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Akira hadn't thought seeing him in person would affect him as much as it does. After all, he's had two months to mentally prepare himself for this moment.

And yet, the sight of Goro Akechi, alive and in the flesh, perfectly put-together and looking like he was made to sit under the studio lighting, makes him feel... some kind of way. Unsettled, for sure, knowing what he knows now. Then again, there's a part of him that hasn't stopped feeling unsettled since he first (well, perhaps first isn't accurate) jolted awake to find himself on the train to Yongen-Jaya again. In one piece. Not bleeding out on the ground with a megalomaniacal pseudo-god bearing down on him. And, most importantly, as the only one with any recollection of all they'd been through.

It doesn't take Akira long to come to the most logical conclusion: That somewhere along the line, he screwed up. Somehow, it hadn't been enough, and now he has an opportunity to fix it—which would be a lot easier if he were to have some notion of what, specifically, he needs to fix, or even if this is a one-time deal.

At first, he tries copying his previous motions as closely as possible. People always talk about their regrets like they would change them in a heartbeat, given the chance, but the thought of altering the timeline as he knows it is overwhelming. The more Akira steps away from his previous path, the less accurate his existing knowledge may become, the bigger the chance that he may miss something important from the first time around.

That reasoning goes out the window pretty quickly. Akira finds that he can't watch Shiho Suzui jump off that building again, can't go through hearing that agony in Ann's voice a second time when he can so easily prevent it. So he stops her. It's what the Phantom Thieves would do. And things change... but not in a way that affects the flow of events in any profound way. Ann still stumbles after them into the Metaverse and finds the conviction to awaken her persona, somehow. He's not sure how it works out, but it does. What Akira does know is that fate is what you make of it. If he believes in his teammates, they'll end up where they need to be.

But for all of that, he still wavers as they're leaving the recording area. Up until now, the decisions to change things have been easy. Akechi, on the other hand... where to start? Is it even salvageable? Akira's not certain, but when he thinks of their last meeting in Shido's palace, Akechi's remark about the possibility of them meeting a few years earlier, the sounds of gunshots echoing from the other side of the bulkhead—he can't not try. It's not years, but maybe this handful of months will be enough.

Akira lets Ann go ahead with a nod, sliding his hands into his pockets as he tries to maintain his usual casual demeanor. Any moment now...

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Akechi is also surprised by the time, but in the opposite direction. He can't believe it's only nine. It feels like weeks have passed since he was woken up but an unexpected phone call this morning, but it's only been twelve hours.

As for the location, that makes sense. This must be the mystery supplier for all of the various, equally mysterious medicines he manages to produce. For some reason that information is less interesting to him than it normally might be.

"You won't have to force me to take it easy." He's pretty sure he could sleep the next twelve hours away, if allowed. Even so, he moves on to his next question, though he sounds about as tired as he feels. "I heard Niijima-san talking to a guard. Is everyone else alright?" He's thinking about Ryuji in particular. He always feels like that guy is three words away from getting arrested.

Akira doesn't doubt that. For once, he's certain that he doesn't have to worry about Akechi sneaking off to fulfill his own private agenda, not when he's so exhausted that it shows through this clearly. And yet, even when he's assured of that fact, the idea of leaving Akechi unattended still earns a sharp rejection in his mind. Akira thinks it might have nothing to do with being worried about Akechi escaping back to the Metaverse.

"Yeah, they're all fine." It strikes him as a little odd that that's where Akechi's thoughts went next, but in an entirely good way, one that lifts his spirits. Akira even offers a little smirk. "We're pretty good at giving them the slip."

Akechi knows it's going to hurt to laugh even before he huffs a soft one out, but that's not enough to stop a soft chuckle from escaping him,. He doesn't even wince that much.

"I'd noticed." What he hasn't noticed is the shift in his mindset in regards to the other Phantom Thieves, but only because he hasn't had a chance to stop and think about it. It isn't lost on him that the reactions he'd seen had been of concern instead of anger. And while there are other things he wants to address right away... "I take it resting here for much longer isn't an option...? I don't know many clinics that are open 24 hours." He should probably make sure they won't be interrupted first - and quite frankly, he'd rather be somewhere a little more familiar than this.

"We probably shouldn't." Although that's more out of wanting to be considerate than actually believing that they need to leave. He thinks that at this point, Takemi trusts him enough that she'd let them stay overnight if needed. But with Leblanc so close, that's not the case.

Without further ado, he pushes himself to his feet and slides the chair back into its rightful place. He'd ask if Akechi feels up to walking, but Akira imagines that he won't truly know the answer to that until he's upright again. "Let's head back to Leblanc. You can stay the night there."

And then... he's not sure. Getting Akechi some help has been the only thing on his mind ever since their infiltration plans were turned upside down. Akira hasn't yet stopped to consider what to do in the coming days when Akechi needs to rest. Right now, that feels like a bridge they'll cross when they get to it.

That's about what he thought. Akechi nods, not even trying to protest and insisting that he can wants to go back to his own apartment. Ten minutes of walking paired with a train transfer doesn't sound like a great time right now.

Akechi very carefully pushes himself up, though he won't reject help if Akira offers. He does alright on his own, however. His injury twinges painfully, but not to the point of being debilitating. Though once he's upright and the thin blanket Takemi provided has pooled around his waist he finally realizes that, naturally, no one had bothered to give him a shirt after bandaging him up.

"Ah... Is there something I can wear?" He's sure his shirt is a lost cause, but even if his coat looks fine on the outside he won't be surprised if they've already tossed or quarantined it for being blood-soaked on the inside - and even if they haven't, he's not sure he'll be allowed to wear it.

Oh. It takes Akechi sitting up for Akira to remember that he is indeed shirtless. The previous one had gone right into the trash, along with the coat once he'd seen the terrible state of the inside. Akira has spent enough time at the laundromat to know that stains of that caliber don't come out easily. He has his hoodie, anyway, which survived the car ride with no notable damage, seeing as Akechi's clothes soaked up most of the blood.

That gets passed over to Akechi, and once he's got it on, Akira waits near the bed to offer his shoulder, same as before. With the mood a bit lighter now that they're out of the thick of it, he doesn't feel off throwing a joke in. "I can carry you on my back if you want."

A hoodie is as good as anything else. It's appropriate for the weather, too. Akechi accepts it with a simple, "Thanks." He pauses before he pulls it on, however, sliding Akira an amused look.

"We traded." At least Akechi will have something to wear back to his apartment, eventually. He pulls on Akira's hoodie without further commentary, privately reflecting that it's... kind of nice? It's soft and comfortable, and it smells like Akira, too, though that last part might be weird to notice...?

Whatever, he's too tired to worry about it. Once the hoodie is on he slides out of bed, gathers up his things, and gladly accepts Akira's shoulder. He's doing a better job of walking by now, but he's pretty sure he's still at risk of stumbling. As for the joke, it gets an overly somber look in return.

"Don't offer yet. I might actually need that sort of help with the stairs." And that's as far as Akechi can get without a faint smile, both because he's amused and because the exchange feels surprisingly natural. It might be presumptuous to assume he's going to end up in Akira's bedroom, of course, but he's pretty sure Sojiro would have some choice, extremely loud words for Akira if he arrived to find a high school detective passed out in one of his booths.

"We did," he acknowledges, a similarly amused look on his face. Really, the sight of Akechi in his clothes punches him in the gut more than wearing Akechi's did, especially once he's learning against Akira's shoulder with a smile. He reminds himself that this is all because Akechi was shot a few hours ago, partially due to his own missteps. That's enough to derail that train of thought for right now.

Akira doesn't wait around any longer. He leads them out, pausing to thank the doctor again and bid her a good night, then they're off to Leblanc.

The interior is dim through the door when they arrive; he can only assume that Futaba informed Sojiro not to wait up for him, seeing as it slipped Akira's mind among everything else happening. He fishes out the key from his back pocket and lets them inside. Entering Leblanc's warm, spiced atmosphere is usually like being taken into a comforting embrace, but today it outright melts the remaining tension from his body. Shido may not be dealt with yet, but they both made it back here alive after one exceptionally wild day, and that feels like a victory to Akira.

As assumed, he does start to bring Akechi up to the attic—not only because Sojiro wouldn't appreciate his café being used as a hotel, but also since he thinks sleeping in an actual bed will be best for him.

Akechi also has the presence of mind to thank Takemi before they depart, but as soon as they're on the move he once again he makes for a pretty quiet walking partner. Akira doesn't have to half drag him this time, but the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other takes more focus than he would have guessed. What thoughts he has to spare are suddenly preoccupied with wondering why he didn't try to help Akira home when he was injured. Yet another thing he files away to think about later.

He can feel the tension draining from Akira as they finally step inside Leblanc, and Akechi can't help but feel the same. In many ways Leblanc is an even more comfortable place for him to be than his own apartment, so he can only imagine what it must be like for Akira himself.

He's not surprised when Akira guides him towards the stairs, but he is surprised when trying to take a step up with the leg on his injured side sends sharp pain radiating out from his injury. He sucks in a short breath through his teeth and immediately eases off of the leg in question. That's not going to happen. And while he really, really doesn't want to have to ask Akira to actually carry him...

"I suppose Sojiro-san wouldn't appreciate it if I slept downstairs, would he?" He's pretty sure he's going to have to suffer through one more humiliating moment tonight. It's just a matter of whether that humiliation is taking ten minutes climb a flight of stairs or getting some very direct assistance on the matter.

Joking though it sounded, the offer is still on the table as they get to the stairs, although Akira figures that Akechi will want to attempt it himself before considering it. Quietly, he continues to be a supporting shoulder as he tries the first step. The reaction is telling.

"Probably not. You'd feel it in the morning, too." He can't imagine sleeping in one of those booths would be at all comfortable.

Which leaves carrying him up the stairs. The idea doesn't bother Akira at all, but he knows Akechi. Needing help to this extent is probably excruciating for someone who would rather risk his own life than rely on others.

So this time, Akira makes no jokes, only crouches enough for Akechi to get on his back.

For a moment, Akechi really considers declining. Simply needing the help in the first place rankles, and Akira's silent, immediate offer to help just rankles worse. 'Excruciating' is the right word for it. Today alone Akechi has gone on a solo expedition through Shido's Palace, been shot, fled the Palace, and been dragged across two wards for medical attention, but setting aside his pride long enough to accept this sort of help might be the most difficult he's ever done.

It certainly feels like it, and there's a long hesitation before physical pain and exhaustion win out against their mental counterparts. He finally steps forward and slides his hands onto Akira's shoulders. He leans his weight onto him carefully and, once he's off the ground, slides his arms around his shoulders to make sure he won't slide off unexpectedly.

"I've had to rely on you more and more lately, haven't I?" He doesn't sound especially pleased or unhappy about it, just resigned. He'd noticed the same thing before he got to the point of needing to be carried anywhere; this just drive the fact home.

Supporting Akechi's legs without causing him more pain is a fine line to walk, and Akira's not quite sure he manages to do so, though he does his best. Once he gets him secured, he doesn't dally, heading right up the stairs with deliberate, steady steps.

Had to. The phrasing doesn't escape him. Akira already figures that all of this is out of necessity and pragmatism rather than what Akechi's wishes. Still, it means something. Before, he thinks Akechi might've chosen his fierce independence as his hill on which to die, but that doesn't quite hold true anymore. Something has changed over the past couple of months.

He's quiet until they're near the top of the stairs. "It's natural to have to rely on other people sometimes," is how he chooses to respond to the observation. Akira knows he'd never survive trying to operate like Akechi has. His friends, both his teammates and the ones who have assisted his mission in other valuable ways, are the only reason he's come as far as he has. That Akechi's accomplished all that he has on his own is impressive, as much as Akira dislikes the circumstances around it.

Once they reach the attic, Akira considers stopping right there, but—the bed is literal steps away. Akechi's pride may be hurting, but so is his side, obviously pretty badly if he accepted this in the first place. Akira continues on to cross the room, letting him down next to the bed.

Akechi lets out a slow, deliberate breath as Akira figures out how exactly to hold on to him, but he doesn't complain and doesn't tell him to stop. He can handle this much.

He also doesn't protest being carried all the way to the bed, in part because he figures there's no helping it and in part because he's distracted by Akira's response. He doesn't speak again until he's back on his own two feet. He should probably sit down but he stays standing, his gaze on Akira.

"I used to think that sort of thing was idiotic." He still does, in truth, just not quite so vehemently as before. "If I had to rely on someone else it just meant I was falling short." And that's only counting the times that he was allowed to rely on other people, the times he wasn't just brushed off as a burden. And while all he's spent in the Metaverse with the Phantom Thieves has helped him recognize his changing mindset, they aren't actually the source of said change.

Not all of them, at least.

"You're the first person that hasn't made me feel that way."

Edited 2019-03-23 19:17 (UTC)

Akechi's weight may be off his back, allowing him to straighten up again, but the gaze after somehow feels even heavier. That and the fact that Akechi is even admitting this to him makes Akira's heart thump a little faster in his chest.

"You try too hard to be perfect." The phrasing may be blunt, as is typical of Akira, but there's an earnestness to it. "You don't have to be." Akira surely doesn't expect that of him, not the way the media and public and so many others seem to, and maybe that's why Akechi feels the way he does around him. "Especially not with me."

The perfectly poised image Akechi tries to project has its appeal, but Akira has found himself more captivated by what's underneath—the dogged determination, the brief flashes of vulnerability, the budding instinct to do good that's reshaped so many of his recent actions.

There's something like tired skepticism in Akechi's expression when Akira says that he doesn't have to be perfect, but the final addition he adds to his comment draws a tired smile out of him instead.

"You're the first person that's made feel like that, too." The first person that's made him feel like slipping up and admitting to his faults and failures won't be a disaster. The first person he's thought won't use that information against him. The first person that's willing to stick with him to this extent even after everything he's done and all the mistakes he made. "I wonder what would have happened if we'd met a few years earlier."

"Who knows. I'm sure we'd still be friends, though," he replies with a faint smile of his own. Akira has wondered the same, but only after Akechi brought it up once before, in the engine room. Maybe other people would've been picked to fight this battle. Maybe none of this would've happened, and they'd be living normal lives. It's a nice thought, but he's more concerned with the present. It's been a long and winding road to this point, and there's still more ahead, but standing here with Akechi right now feels right.

Still, as much as he doesn't want to break the atmosphere, Akechi probably shouldn't stay standing much longer. "Sit down. I'll get you a change of clothes." He's still wearing those blood-soaked pants, after all. Akira doesn't have a ton of clothes, but he's able to scrounge up enough random sleepwear for both of them, passing Akechi one pair before heading towards the stairs with his own. "Want anything from downstairs?"

It's a simple, baseless reassurance that neither of them have any way of confirming, but Akechi relaxes all the same when he hears it. Even if it's just speculation, it's nice to know that Akira is so certain of the result.

Akechi is equally reluctant to let the moment pass, but for once he feels certain it won't be the last one. He sits down as ordered, accepting the pajamas with brief word of thanks. As for Akira's offer, there's no hesitation before he gives his answer.

"Water." He knows he should probably eat, too, but right now thirst is at the forefront of his mind. He can worry about actual sustenance later. For now it's taking all of his focus to even get into his borrow pajamas (they traded again, huh?), especially when he has to lay flat just to wiggle out of his pants without straining his injury. He manages, though, and he even pulls it off without getting blood on Akira's clothes or bedding. His own pants are a lost cause, but he folds them up and sets them neatly aside all the same.

It's real tempting to just lay there indefinitely (something about Akira's clothes and Akira's bed are uniquely comfortable, kind of like Akira's mere presence) but he's remembered something by the time Akira returns and pushes himself upright again.

"I don't suppose you have a toothbrush I could borrow, do you?" He won't have any option but to very attractively spit into a cup when he's done, but he'd rather not wake up with a gross feeling in his mouth tomorrow.

With the request in mind, Akira heads back down the stairs. He's not quite sure how long it'll take Akechi to change clothes with his limited mobility, so there's no real rush in his motions as he goes through his typical bedtime routine.

He's in the middle of brushing his teeth when he considers that Akechi would probably appreciate the opportunity to do the same. Luckily, he's got a spare one lying around (even knowing much of the future before it ever arrives, it doesn't hurt to be prepared), which Akira nabs on the way out of the restroom, along with everything else needed for a remote teeth-brushing session.

By the time he returns with that and the cup of water, a few minutes have passed. "Already got you covered," he answers as he approaches the bed. After leaning over Akechi to set the water on the windowsill, Akira passes over the remaining contents of his hands, throwing in a smile as part of the package. "Only the best service at Hotel Leblanc."

Rather than awkwardly stand there over Akechi and wait for him to finish, Akira opts to retrieve the dusty old futon that resides in the storage side of the attic, untouched since that one time Yusuke spent the night.

Akechi accepts the water and toiletries with a relieved expression, though there's no helping his smile at the 'Hotel Leblanc' comment.

"Hopefully breakfast lives up to its reputation." He's sure it will, though.

Akechi barely gets to call is breakfast, however. He takes his time brushing his teeth and preparing for bed, but once he's down he sleeps like the dead for nearly twelve straight hours. When he wakes up the exhaustion of topping off a several-hour Metaverse excursion with a life-threatening wound has finally settled in and he somehow feels worse than he did the day before. He barely makes it through breakfast before he ends up sleeping through most of the rest of the day. But at least that reduces the number of times he needs to go up and down the stairs.

The second day he does a little better, both in terms of handling the stairs and in staying awake for most of it. He's even feeling well enough to ask Akira to retrieve a few things from his apartment (though he promises to make it up to him at a later date) and pace in restless circles around the room so that can at least get some exercise in. Should any of the other Phantom Thieves stop by while he's awake he manages to seem both composed and relaxed - though if Morgana gets too close while he's sleeping Akechi reflexively shoves him off the bed without waking. He's not used to having company.

By the third day he's feeling much, much better. He'll even dress in real clothes and go downstairs for breakfast unless Akira stops him, automatically slipping back into his picture perfect charming persona as he thanks Sojiro for putting up with his presence for a few days. He's surprised by how little being away from his own space for so long bothers him. Akira's attic may not be the nicest room he's ever stayed in (it's not the worst, either) but there's something safe and inviting about it all the same. Even so, Akechi can tell when he's overstaying his welcome; or he thinks he can, at least. Once breakfast is done and they're both back upstairs again he finally broaches a somewhat pressing subject.

"I'm feeling well enough to return to my apartment today." More joking, he adds, "I'm starting to feel bad for kicking you out of bed."

Homebody may not be a word that typically applies to Akira, but for the few days following his return to Leblanc, he allows himself to embody it. Shido's Palace is still a pressing matter, and there are certainly things he could be doing out on the town, but the prospect of staying in with Akechi for a few days is too tempting. Besides, it's best if he continues to lay low in the time following his "suicide", and he knows he needs the rest, anyway. Akechi's injury may have been far, far worse than his own, but due to the disparity between wounds from the Metaverse and ones from reality, they heal up at about the same pace.

While Akechi gets some much-needed sleep, he keeps himself occupied—helping out downstairs, crafting infiltration tools, reading. Morgana ends up hanging out with Futaba for much of that time, though he thinks it has nothing to do with his roommate disliking Akechi's presence and everything to do with Akechi taking all of the best spots in the room, whether it's while sleeping or hanging out during the day.

Once Akechi's more awake overall, he keeps them both occupied. The chess board gets hauled up from the first floor (not like anyone will miss it; he's not even sure Sojiro notices that it's gone) so that they can finally finish their match, which predictably ends in Akira's defeat. He shows him some of his other video games and even challenges Akechi to a few if he's interested, ready to show off his skills in something more within his wheelhouse. A few of his teammates—their teammates—even drop by briefly to check in in person, which Akira is grateful for. Seeing them in their school uniforms after he's been lounging around all afternoon feels weird; he kind of misses it, actually, which is a strange thought. Between the issues with Kamoshida and the poor reactions to the rumors about him, his time at Shujin started out rough. It isn't until he's forced to stay away from it that Akira realizes he's come to enjoy attending school there.

But that feeling is miniscule and easily eclipsed by how much he enjoys this surreal time he's spending just enjoying Akechi's company before they have to get back to their mission. Akira knows that won't be long, not when Akechi is recovering with impressive speed. He may have accepted the need to rest for a few days, but there's no way that's going to last.

So he's not at all surprised when Akechi announces his intent after breakfast. "I don't mind," Akira shrugs off the following comment. He really doesn't, and he honestly thinks he wouldn't be fussed if Akechi were to just keep sleeping in his bed on the regular and not because he's recovering from being shot. There is no way he's saying that, though, so: "You needed it more than I did."

But back to the matter of Akechi returning. He thinks it's safe for now. There shouldn't be any reason for Shido and his associates to be suspicious of Akechi yet, and the apartment appeared completely untouched when he visited yesterday to grab the requested items, but the thought of leaving him unattended does make Akira feel uneasy for several reasons. There's just no way Akechi would take positively to the idea of needing supervision, so it's kind of a moot point. "You can stay longer if you want to, but I understand if you want to go home."

"And you needed mine more than I did a few nights ago." Yet Akira had slept on the couch anyway. It's a discourtesy that hadn't even occurred to Akechi at the time, but now it stands out to him in sharp contrast. Once again, guilt isn't really emotion he's matured to the point of being able to acknowledge, but he does feel shortsighted and petty for it.

The exact way Akira words his response to the rest of the question gives Akechi pause. While it isn't like Akira is an easy person to read, Akechi has picked up on some of his patterns by now. Even if his actual thoughts are an eternal mystery to him, Akechi likes to think he has a good idea of when the things Akira says and does don't quite match said thoughts - and right now, Akira's just given a noncommittal answer when Akechi wasn't expecting one.

For a moment he's torn between assuming the worst about the vagueness and wanting to believe in the best. In the end, he decides to not err on the side of caution.

"I don't mind staying another day, if you want me to." His expression has slipped into one of of attentive thoughtfulness, like he's just found an interesting puzzle and still isn't sure what to make of it.

Well, Akechi caught on quick—not that he's surprised. The more time they spend together, the worse Akira is at keeping up his poker face. Whether that's due to Akechi getting to know him better or a decline in his own ability, he's not sure.

"I'm just worried about if Shido tries to contact you," he admits. There haven't been any phone calls from him, at least that Akira has heard, but it's bound to happen soon. He really wants to believe that Akechi would choose to ignore any more assignments. If he's encountered the cognitive version of himself, he's seen what Shido really thinks of him. There's no way he could still want to carry out his orders.

Granted, if Akechi suddenly drops off Shido's radar, that would likely throw the whole suicide conspiracy into question again, but Akira would rather them be in danger together than apart.

Ah, that would explain it. Akechi wonders if Akira thinks he'd go through with any orders he's been given but for once it's not his first thought, nor his most prominent one. He doesn't take the assumption personally, either; Akechi knows he'll do it if it's the best option.

But he'd rather not. And more importantly...

"I doubt he will. There's nothing left to do but tie up loose ends." Akechi's tone has slipped from mild curiosity to cool certainty. He doubt sound at all disturbed or uneasy as he discusses lives that are already scheduled to end. "But if those that have benefited from his rise to power start dying right before the election, it'll draw suspicion and jeopardize his chances." He's wrong, of course, but he doesn't realize that yet. He's never seen Shido panic before. "But even if he does, I can stall for time. It can take days to locate someone's Shadow."

He suddenly wonders how much Akira actually knows about the breakdowns, shutdowns, and the greater conspiracy surrounding them. That's probably and explanation best saved for when everyone is present, though.

Despite how clinically Akechi speaks about potential murders, Akira does feel a bit placated hearing his take on it. Akechi is the one who's been dealing directly with Shido all of this time; he would know better. "I'll trust you on that, then," he says after a moment, nodding. This part is new to Akira. Last time, the concern had been making sure Akechi wouldn't catch wind of him still being alive.

He's quiet for a beat as he moves to sit on the couch. "I'm thinking about starting our infiltration of his Palace tomorrow." Broaching this subject doesn't make him feel nearly as tense as it did a few days ago, but it's something he hasn't really bothered with since then. Partly to avoid bogging down their impromptu break with the thoughts and partly because he doesn't want to pry into what happened to Akechi before he's ready to talk about it. "You can still come with us, if you're interested."

Even knowing that it's about an unpleasant subject, it's nice to be told that he's trusted. It doesn't make him smile, but there's a more relaxed air around him in the wake of Akira's comment.

Being invited to the Palace infiltration isn't something Akechi is expecting and it leaves him feeling a bit warm inside. After he'd run off to do exactly what Akira had tried to make him promise not to do Akechi had been half expected to be uninvited from the rest of the excursion. Now that he knows he's not that assumption feels a bit silly.

"I'd like to." Admitting to that is pretty easy, for a change. While Akira takes the couch, Akechi moves to claim the chair. This conversation might take a while. "But it'll be dangerous. I have no way of confirming this, but I believe the Cognitive version of myself in Shido's Palace exists primarily to deal with me." He sounds incredibly calm as he speaks, and not at all like just thinking about that thing fills him with a mix of contempt for Shido and contempt for himself.

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