(that's one thing he'll be forever grateful for, ren complying with whatever ryuji needs, no questions or complaints. he's never once poked or prodded ryuji for an answer, or demanded an explanation for why he felt a certain way or did something. ren has always lets ryuji be himself, without any need to change who he is or have to validate his existence in some way. from the start, ryuji felt completely and wholly accepted by ren for everything he is.
he lets out a sigh of relief, unaware of just how emotional he can get just from thinking about his dad and kamoshida. his heart is almost pounding out of his chest, only by memory.
but with ren here, being by his side, and most importantly, understanding with no need for ryuji to even say a word. his head falls against ren's shoulder, trying to hide how boiled he can get from thinking about the two people who did everything they could to ruin ryuji's life. ren has always been a calming presence for him, and now is no different.) Thank you.
(even better is ren deciding to take charge, should the topics ever become a problem. they both know ryuji would never be able to handle either of those discussions rationally, too emotionally involved in both of them to ever really remain calm.
the urge to just curl up next to ren in silence, and just stay that way for the rest of the day is strong. he feels like home. he's always made ryuji feel at home. welcome.) Yeah. We're good.
(he takes a deep breath, to steady himself, stop himself from getting too amped up over something that hasn't even happened yet. no need to get anxious or short tempered about how ren's parents will react when they haven't even met.
he stays where he is, resting against ren and making no move to get up. not that he would ever want to.) If I had to do something like this with anyone... I'm glad it's you. You're not making me change anything about who I am. I feel like if it was anyone else, even the others, they'd... I dunno, want answers or reasons. But not you. I guess it's just... it feels like you look at me and think I'm fine the way I am. That hasn't changed from Shujin, I still feel so free when I'm with you. Even like this.
The tip of Ryuji's head onto his shoulder is a gesture that fills him with soft contentment, the feeling radiating from somewhere in his chest. He's glad that he could put to rest that worry that tightened Ryuji's frame moments ago. And well, he kind of expects that to be it—maybe they'll go back to watching some TV and then figure out how to tackle this tomorrow?
But Ryuji speaks up again, and even if the sentiment is one that he's shared in the past, hearing those words spoken so openly makes Ren freeze up a little.
Shouldn't he be the one saying this? Isn't it Ryuji who's always taken him as he is, no judgments? Even from his first day at Shujin. When he learned about Ren being on probation, he listened and never once doubted his story, never believed any of the gossip going around the halls. That loyalty has never wavered after all this time.
Thankfully, the color tinging his cheeks probably isn't visible from where Ryuji's head is on his shoulder. ]
That's because I do think you're fine the way you are.
[ There's a pause before he lets his head tilt to rest against Ryuji's in turn. Blond hair tickles at his cheek, summoning a smile. ]
Maybe that's why I feel like it has to be you. Because you won't try to be someone else.
(ren's words have always managed to shake ryuji down to his very core, like there's a weight to them only ryuji can understand. just those few simple words, and ryuji's feeling better than he ever has. and that's all it ever takes, a single honest line from ren to make ryuji feel like he's worth the world.
his self esteem has bolstered a bit since high school, but not nearly enough that he can walk around with the confidence ren does. always the butt of a joke, the idiot, a delinquent, someone was always firing a comment about ways ryuji should change.
except ren.
ren saw him at his worst, repeatedly, and yet he never backed away in shame, never made some snide comment about ryuji's grades or temper or attitude. ren always just let ryuji be... himself. and now to hear that ren thinks ryuji should stay exactly as he is...
well, he's not fighting back any tears, but there is a lump of emotion in his throat. it's only let out in a quiet, yet audible enough gasp to be heard by ren, being so close and now resting his head back against ryuji's.
they're veering into territory the boys rarely visit, vulnerable and open, laid completely bare in their trust for each other. literally resting their weight against each other for support and comfort at the same time. ryuji wars internally with himself for what seems like ages, should he be more upfront, more open, take advantage of the moment and steal a kiss or a touch. or would it be best to play it safe, keep things as they are, not disrupt the precious... whatever it is they have now?
fuck it. this fake relationship won't move itself along. mustering what seems to be every ounce of his courage, ryuji reaches over to take ren's hand in his without letting himself second guess the decision. it's not as though they've never held hands before. they've high fived, grabbed each other out of dangerous situations, or just plain running down the street like a couple of kids.
but this is different, so different. it's quiet and intimate and only theirs. ryuji's cheeks are a shade of red to even counter panther's outfit, so he strategically keeps his head down.) ... shit. I was gonna try and, I dunno, say something cool back. But I don't know what to say.
(he laughs, quietly, almost to himself.) I never hear anyone say that about me.
A hand slips into his, palm warm against his own. Well then, it seems like Ryuji is committed to taking their fake relationship to the next level already. There's a joke on the tip of his tongue about moving fast, but it doesn't suit the moment, would only be a deflection from the honest emotions being laid out. Ren saves it for another time and simply clasps his hand against Ryuji's in return, trying not to dwell on how nothing about it feels fake. ]
Doesn't make it any less true. [ If people can't see him for who he is, that's their loss.
Although, if the praise draws out those soft little gasps and laughs, Ren does wish Ryuji would be on the receiving end of such appreciation more often. ]
... Thanks, by the way. For helping me out with this. [ He forgot to say it before, but it seems even more appropriate now. Fingers lace through Ryuji's, and he finally feels like his facial situation is under enough control that he can lift his head and glance over. ]
(everything about the moment just feels so right. resting against each other, hand in hand, a sense of tranquility for them to both open their hearts. ryuji would give anything for this all to be real, something concrete and structured. but he knows better than to push his luck, and even being able to be this close to ren is more than he ever thought he could have.) Shit, I must've done something real good to have you in my life.
(it's like it all just comes so naturally to ren, the way he can make ryuji feel on top of the world, how he can reaffirm ryuji's importance in his life without batting an eye.
meanwhile, it took all of ryuji's courage just to tell ren he's the best friend he could ask for.
feeling his own blush has died down enough, ryuji pulls away, but only just enough to raise his head and smile at ren. still needing to be close, for that comfort.) Dude, I'm your best friend. Of course I'll fake it as your boyfriend.
(not that normal best friends do things even remotely close to that, but ryuji doesn't want to think too hard on the implications of that.) I'm gonna make this so much fun for you, it'll make our time as the Phantom Thieves feel like a school afternoon.
[ Their faces are close enough that Ren has to consciously try to make himself less aware of that fact. He can pick up on Ryuji's scent, identify the different colored flecks in his irises, feel the warmth of his skin still radiating out. It's all a little intoxicating, in a way that draws out a smile a little more goofy than he's prone to.
He should really release Ryuji's hand and put some space between them, but this is his fake boyfriend now, and Ren will be damned if he isn't going to let himself bask in that for a moment. ]
That's big talk, Ryuji. I'm expecting the best date of my life now.
[ Truthfully, it wouldn't come as a surprise if Ryuji managed to nab that title. They never have anything less than a great time going out together. He's had some good dates, but slap the label on one of those and it will probably take the cake. And that's without Ryuji even trying to impress.
But a date is a while off, something to do when they have a mutually free day. There are other things they can hammer out right now. ]
Before we worry about that, though... We should get our story straight.
(ryuji tries to maintain a one track mind, focus on what ren is saying, how they should work on planning it out, but whenever he tries to think about anything else, his thoughts just come racing back to how much he wants to pin ren to the couch and kiss him until they're both breathless. those thoughts are even harder to ignore when ren puts actual expectations on ryuji. it's perfectly likely that ren is simply joking around with him again. it's not as though they haven't been joking since this all started.
he doesn't want to, god he doesn't want to break away from ren, but if he doesn't put at least some distance between them, he'll cross a line. and that's one thing he refuses to do during their "relationship". ryuji releases his hand from ren's, and he could cry at the loss of contact, even more so when he leans back on the couch, away from ren with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.) You know me, man, I'd never let you down like that.
(and he doesn't plan to. even if this is all fake, if it all comes crashing down someday, ryuji wants to give ren something to remember. he at least hopes ren can look back on his time with ryuji and smile, because of ryuji.
at the notion of needing a cover story, ryuji rests his head in one hand, while the other taps idly on his knee. he's only slightly nervous, hoping his personal feelings won't somehow get in the way and cause him to slip up.) Right, right... did you already have anything in mind? Like how long we been dating 'n shit?
[ Realistically, this part should be difficult—coming up with a convincing story and laying out all of the details so that they can corroborate it on the spot, should they need to. But when Ryuji poses the question, Ren finds that he doesn't have to dig all that deep to find an answer. ]
How about… four months? [ It's long enough that it's not just a silly fling, short enough that it's realistic for Ren's parents to only be learning about it now. ] But we can say that we've liked each other since high school.
[ Maybe that's a bit too on the nose for him, personally. It's still all too easy to recall that time at the ramen shop in Ogikubo, the way his heart rate sped up for what wasn't the first time around Ryuji but first time that he knew he was seeing his best friend as something more than a best friend. Ryuji's speech about how free he felt with Ren resonated in just the right way to open his eyes to his own feelings. ]
We just didn't realize it's mutual until recently. [ Wouldn't that be nice? Ren couldn't have anticipated the way his heart gives a little squeeze as he voices a desire that he wouldn't be able to under any other circumstances. There's no way he could go and make this uncomfortable for Ryuji like that. ] We should probably decide how we figured it out…
(while ryuji had a feeling a lot of thought would be necessary for their story, it doesn't strike him just how much until ren starts laying it all out there. it's already evident he's been planning this out longer than ryuji, though that's no surprise. and part of him wants to just leave the whole thing to ren, not have to bother helping out with the lie.
but he also knows if they don't have their stories straight from the start, it'll only cause more trouble down the line.) Uh... yeah, four months since crushin' since high school sounds good. Normal, I guess, too.
(at least it won't all be a lie that way. those days of sitting elbow to elbow at their favorite ramen shop, talking about anything and everything, still get ryuji's heart to skip a beat. sure, it's nothing compared to now, seeing ren every morning, making breakfast together, ren fresh out of the shower--
his less than innocent thoughts are certainly going to get worse now.
realizing that this involves much more planning and lying than ryuji originally anticipated, there's a groan of exhaustion on his end. it's like homework. can't he just say he loves ren and have that be enough? it's partly out of annoyance, but also knowing none of it is really how they got together, if they ever would. so ryuji instead opts to do what he does best.
snap.) Damn, I can't take this.
(it's grumbled, almost quietly to himself, before turning to face ren, with the same severity as when he spoke about what's off limits.) I love you. I have since high school. You're the only person who's been with me through every shitty thing, and never turned your back on me. I love you, and I'm not goin' around pretendin' I don't anymore.
(he pauses, long enough to let it all linger, waiting to see how it all settles. then, ryuji nods, confident and sure, his arms crossed behind him as he casually lays back.) Yeah, I think that should do it. I've snapped for less, that should be enough for your parents. We'll just tell 'em that happened.
[ As calm and collected of a person as Ren is, the sudden outburst almost bowls him over with its intensity. Confusion and worry flood in as his eyebrows knit together. Did he take it a step too far? Was Ryuji only trying to humor him in the name of being a good friend? Before, the possibility that Ryuji is helping out of friendly obligation seemed unrealistic, unlike him—but could that really be the case?
He can't anticipate what follows.
I love you.
The words ring in his head so loud that it's a miracle he picks up on the rest of what's being said. Luckily for Ren, his shock is so overwhelming that it almost doesn't manifest on his face. His lips part as the air leaves him, and he stares blankly as he tries to process what's coming out of Ryuji's mouth.
A confession. It's a confession, and the conviction behind it is almost tangible, so intense that Ren could never imagine this being a ruse.
I love you, too.
The words are rising up his throat when Ryuji's demeanor suddenly changes, sending them plummeting back down, a heavy and uncomfortable weight in the pit of his stomach. Oh. When did Ryuji become such a good actor? Ren thought he's been paying attention to all of Ryuji's personal growth, but he guesses he overlooked that part.
Ren's jaw snaps shut, lips pressing into a thin line as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, an excuse for his hand to obscure his expression. ]
Pretty convincing. [ It was enough to fool him, and he was the one to suggest the plan. ] That should definitely work.
[ Why did he let his mind go there so easily? His actual feelings for Ryuji shouldn't even be a factor in this. ]
(that was easily the most terrifying thing ryuji sakamoto has ever done.
fighting shadows and trying to change the hearts of corrupt adults has nothing on telling his best friend he's been massively in love with him for years, even if it's just an act.
but it's not an act. it never has been and it never will. he'll tell himself over and over that all of this is just for show, it's fake, it means nothing. but it means everything to ryuji. his confession isn't even as long as he would have liked it to be, so much more he wants to tell ren and thank him for.
managing to get that confession out, laying himself bare for ren, gives ryuji a sense of accomplishment for it all. now he knows he'll be able to do it, and not just for purposes of lying to ren's parents. ryuji doesn't allow himself to be hopeful, dreaming that ren could possibly return the feelings, but the desire to be honest, to give his heart to ren is always going to be there.
seeing ren push his glasses up, the way he does when he's being clever, plotting something, only reassures ryuji that he's on the right track. and not that he just broke ren's heart.
there's a smile on his face when he speaks again, listing off every point with his fingers.) So... we've been in love with each other since high school. I confessed 'cause I didn't wanna lie anymore, and now we've been datin' for four months. Anything we're missing?
[ The misinterpretation leaves Ren feeling like his energy has been sapped, like the moment his heart slowed and sank, fatigue set into its place. He feels like taking off his glasses and scrubbing a hand down his face, but doing so would reveal far too much about his mental state to Ryuji. The last thing he wants is for Ryuji to realize that his fake confession got under his skin to such a degree.
It's occurring to him now that even calling this a bad idea might be too generous. Even knowing he has a thing for Ryuji, he couldn't have foreseen the ache it would cause. They're together all the time, and it's never felt like this. There's been yearning and want, sure, he's just always been happy being by Ryuji's side regardless of their status.
Well, it's too late to turn back now. He's still not sure he would really want to, given the choice.
Ren crosses his arms over his chest and nod as their story so far is recounted. ]
I think that will do it for now. [ For one, it seems like a solid enough basis that the should be able to fill in the details without contradicting one another. And besides that, Ren isn't too keen on lingering on his part of the discussion right now. ] If we have to think up anything on the spot, we can just follow each other's lead.
[ Letting his arms drop, Ren glances over with a small smile. ] We can figure out the date thing tomorrow. I'm starting to get tired.
(it's not entirely evident, but to ryuji, who painstakingly watches ren, always trying to notice if something is wrong under that calm demeanor, it is clear that ren is tired. maybe ryuji focused a little too much on the minor details of it all, or questioned the whole idea a few too many times, or maybe ren's parents are just getting to him more than ryuji knows.
one thing is for sure, though, that when ren says he's tired, he is tired. ryuji's smile fades as he takes a moment to consider the pressure ren must be under, to have his parents respect his own wishes, but also have to go out of his way to deceive them like this. it can't be easy, and ryuji is sitting here just happy he can kiss him and say 'i love you' without any fallout.
without any warning, ryuji pulls ren into a hug, arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold him close. give him that extra bit of support he no doubt needs.) Hey, dude, I know you're probably gonna deal with a lot more from now on. How about I take care of the date?
(he shouldn't do this, he absolutely shouldn't do this, it's selfish and wrong and crossing a line. but that tiny voice in the back of his head screaming "what if ren needs this" takes over. it's nothing dramatic, all ryuji does it press his lips to the top of ren's head, burying in there and planting a small kiss.
something that can't be taken back, even if he wanted to. but he doesn't.) You can at least trust me with that much, right?
[ That seems like that. He's expecting the usual now: goodnights to be exchanged, and then he'll head off to the privacy of his bedroom, where he can contemplate the gravity of the decisions he's made today.
But just when he's about to get up from the couch, there are arms dragging him back. Ren freezes for a moment, surprised at first, only for it to melt away to comfort as an arm slips around Ryuji in return. Hugs between them are rare but not unheard of, reserved for the moments when one of them seems to really need the contact. Maybe his emotions were showing through more than he thought?
Leaving the date plans to Ryuji actually doesn't sound all that bad. He sounds kind of excited about it, even. He's ready to voice his approval when he feels Ryuji press into his hair, lips meeting the crown of his head. Is he… kissing Ren? His chest aches, both with the tenderness of the moment and with the knowledge that it's just Ryuji playing into the fake boyfriend role. Ren tries to distill the good parts and shove away the bad, taking comfort in the embrace as he nods. ] Yeah, I'd appreciate that.
[ Staying like this is dangerous, though. He could melt into Ryuji and remain this way all night if permitted to. So after a moment of basking, Ren extracts himself with a soft pat to his best friend's shoulder, drawing away from the hug. ]
'Night, Ryuji. [ There's a pause where he stands up, tugging at the hem of his shirt to straighten it. ] And thanks again. Don't stay up too late or I'll send Morgana out here to put you to bed.
[ One last smile accompanies the threat before he treats to his room. ]
(ryuji is lucky he's always been considered physically affectionate, high fives, one armed hugs, always finding a way to get into ren's personal space. it makes things like quick hugs and short kisses seem like he's just naturally slipping into the role of a boyfriend.
he will absolutely not fall asleep tonight thinking about how nice ren's hair smells, how soft it was against his lips, how ren fits perfectly in his arms like he belongs there.
but the moment is short lived, with ren getting up and marching off to his room far too soon for ryuji's liking. he can't be selfish, however, he's already done so much without even asking if ren would be comfortable with it.
there's no grip to maintain the contact, allowing ren to leave with a smile on his face and a thumbs up as a response.) Sleep well, dude.
(but as soon as he's certain ren's door is closing, ryuji is grabbing the nearest pillow, shoving his face in it, and screaming.)
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he lets out a sigh of relief, unaware of just how emotional he can get just from thinking about his dad and kamoshida. his heart is almost pounding out of his chest, only by memory.
but with ren here, being by his side, and most importantly, understanding with no need for ryuji to even say a word. his head falls against ren's shoulder, trying to hide how boiled he can get from thinking about the two people who did everything they could to ruin ryuji's life. ren has always been a calming presence for him, and now is no different.) Thank you.
(even better is ren deciding to take charge, should the topics ever become a problem. they both know ryuji would never be able to handle either of those discussions rationally, too emotionally involved in both of them to ever really remain calm.
the urge to just curl up next to ren in silence, and just stay that way for the rest of the day is strong. he feels like home. he's always made ryuji feel at home. welcome.) Yeah. We're good.
(he takes a deep breath, to steady himself, stop himself from getting too amped up over something that hasn't even happened yet. no need to get anxious or short tempered about how ren's parents will react when they haven't even met.
he stays where he is, resting against ren and making no move to get up. not that he would ever want to.) If I had to do something like this with anyone... I'm glad it's you. You're not making me change anything about who I am. I feel like if it was anyone else, even the others, they'd... I dunno, want answers or reasons. But not you. I guess it's just... it feels like you look at me and think I'm fine the way I am. That hasn't changed from Shujin, I still feel so free when I'm with you. Even like this.
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The tip of Ryuji's head onto his shoulder is a gesture that fills him with soft contentment, the feeling radiating from somewhere in his chest. He's glad that he could put to rest that worry that tightened Ryuji's frame moments ago. And well, he kind of expects that to be it—maybe they'll go back to watching some TV and then figure out how to tackle this tomorrow?
But Ryuji speaks up again, and even if the sentiment is one that he's shared in the past, hearing those words spoken so openly makes Ren freeze up a little.
Shouldn't he be the one saying this? Isn't it Ryuji who's always taken him as he is, no judgments? Even from his first day at Shujin. When he learned about Ren being on probation, he listened and never once doubted his story, never believed any of the gossip going around the halls. That loyalty has never wavered after all this time.
Thankfully, the color tinging his cheeks probably isn't visible from where Ryuji's head is on his shoulder. ]
That's because I do think you're fine the way you are.
[ There's a pause before he lets his head tilt to rest against Ryuji's in turn. Blond hair tickles at his cheek, summoning a smile. ]
Maybe that's why I feel like it has to be you. Because you won't try to be someone else.
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his self esteem has bolstered a bit since high school, but not nearly enough that he can walk around with the confidence ren does. always the butt of a joke, the idiot, a delinquent, someone was always firing a comment about ways ryuji should change.
except ren.
ren saw him at his worst, repeatedly, and yet he never backed away in shame, never made some snide comment about ryuji's grades or temper or attitude. ren always just let ryuji be... himself. and now to hear that ren thinks ryuji should stay exactly as he is...
well, he's not fighting back any tears, but there is a lump of emotion in his throat. it's only let out in a quiet, yet audible enough gasp to be heard by ren, being so close and now resting his head back against ryuji's.
they're veering into territory the boys rarely visit, vulnerable and open, laid completely bare in their trust for each other. literally resting their weight against each other for support and comfort at the same time. ryuji wars internally with himself for what seems like ages, should he be more upfront, more open, take advantage of the moment and steal a kiss or a touch. or would it be best to play it safe, keep things as they are, not disrupt the precious... whatever it is they have now?
fuck it. this fake relationship won't move itself along. mustering what seems to be every ounce of his courage, ryuji reaches over to take ren's hand in his without letting himself second guess the decision. it's not as though they've never held hands before. they've high fived, grabbed each other out of dangerous situations, or just plain running down the street like a couple of kids.
but this is different, so different. it's quiet and intimate and only theirs. ryuji's cheeks are a shade of red to even counter panther's outfit, so he strategically keeps his head down.) ... shit. I was gonna try and, I dunno, say something cool back. But I don't know what to say.
(he laughs, quietly, almost to himself.) I never hear anyone say that about me.
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A hand slips into his, palm warm against his own. Well then, it seems like Ryuji is committed to taking their fake relationship to the next level already. There's a joke on the tip of his tongue about moving fast, but it doesn't suit the moment, would only be a deflection from the honest emotions being laid out. Ren saves it for another time and simply clasps his hand against Ryuji's in return, trying not to dwell on how nothing about it feels fake. ]
Doesn't make it any less true. [ If people can't see him for who he is, that's their loss.
Although, if the praise draws out those soft little gasps and laughs, Ren does wish Ryuji would be on the receiving end of such appreciation more often. ]
... Thanks, by the way. For helping me out with this. [ He forgot to say it before, but it seems even more appropriate now. Fingers lace through Ryuji's, and he finally feels like his facial situation is under enough control that he can lift his head and glance over. ]
Let's have fun with it, okay?
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(it's like it all just comes so naturally to ren, the way he can make ryuji feel on top of the world, how he can reaffirm ryuji's importance in his life without batting an eye.
meanwhile, it took all of ryuji's courage just to tell ren he's the best friend he could ask for.
feeling his own blush has died down enough, ryuji pulls away, but only just enough to raise his head and smile at ren. still needing to be close, for that comfort.) Dude, I'm your best friend. Of course I'll fake it as your boyfriend.
(not that normal best friends do things even remotely close to that, but ryuji doesn't want to think too hard on the implications of that.) I'm gonna make this so much fun for you, it'll make our time as the Phantom Thieves feel like a school afternoon.
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He should really release Ryuji's hand and put some space between them, but this is his fake boyfriend now, and Ren will be damned if he isn't going to let himself bask in that for a moment. ]
That's big talk, Ryuji. I'm expecting the best date of my life now.
[ Truthfully, it wouldn't come as a surprise if Ryuji managed to nab that title. They never have anything less than a great time going out together. He's had some good dates, but slap the label on one of those and it will probably take the cake. And that's without Ryuji even trying to impress.
But a date is a while off, something to do when they have a mutually free day. There are other things they can hammer out right now. ]
Before we worry about that, though... We should get our story straight.
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he doesn't want to, god he doesn't want to break away from ren, but if he doesn't put at least some distance between them, he'll cross a line. and that's one thing he refuses to do during their "relationship". ryuji releases his hand from ren's, and he could cry at the loss of contact, even more so when he leans back on the couch, away from ren with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.) You know me, man, I'd never let you down like that.
(and he doesn't plan to. even if this is all fake, if it all comes crashing down someday, ryuji wants to give ren something to remember. he at least hopes ren can look back on his time with ryuji and smile, because of ryuji.
at the notion of needing a cover story, ryuji rests his head in one hand, while the other taps idly on his knee. he's only slightly nervous, hoping his personal feelings won't somehow get in the way and cause him to slip up.) Right, right... did you already have anything in mind? Like how long we been dating 'n shit?
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How about… four months? [ It's long enough that it's not just a silly fling, short enough that it's realistic for Ren's parents to only be learning about it now. ] But we can say that we've liked each other since high school.
[ Maybe that's a bit too on the nose for him, personally. It's still all too easy to recall that time at the ramen shop in Ogikubo, the way his heart rate sped up for what wasn't the first time around Ryuji but first time that he knew he was seeing his best friend as something more than a best friend. Ryuji's speech about how free he felt with Ren resonated in just the right way to open his eyes to his own feelings. ]
We just didn't realize it's mutual until recently. [ Wouldn't that be nice? Ren couldn't have anticipated the way his heart gives a little squeeze as he voices a desire that he wouldn't be able to under any other circumstances. There's no way he could go and make this uncomfortable for Ryuji like that. ] We should probably decide how we figured it out…
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but he also knows if they don't have their stories straight from the start, it'll only cause more trouble down the line.) Uh... yeah, four months since crushin' since high school sounds good. Normal, I guess, too.
(at least it won't all be a lie that way. those days of sitting elbow to elbow at their favorite ramen shop, talking about anything and everything, still get ryuji's heart to skip a beat. sure, it's nothing compared to now, seeing ren every morning, making breakfast together, ren fresh out of the shower--
his less than innocent thoughts are certainly going to get worse now.
realizing that this involves much more planning and lying than ryuji originally anticipated, there's a groan of exhaustion on his end. it's like homework. can't he just say he loves ren and have that be enough? it's partly out of annoyance, but also knowing none of it is really how they got together, if they ever would. so ryuji instead opts to do what he does best.
snap.) Damn, I can't take this.
(it's grumbled, almost quietly to himself, before turning to face ren, with the same severity as when he spoke about what's off limits.) I love you. I have since high school. You're the only person who's been with me through every shitty thing, and never turned your back on me. I love you, and I'm not goin' around pretendin' I don't anymore.
(he pauses, long enough to let it all linger, waiting to see how it all settles. then, ryuji nods, confident and sure, his arms crossed behind him as he casually lays back.) Yeah, I think that should do it. I've snapped for less, that should be enough for your parents. We'll just tell 'em that happened.
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He can't anticipate what follows.
I love you.
The words ring in his head so loud that it's a miracle he picks up on the rest of what's being said. Luckily for Ren, his shock is so overwhelming that it almost doesn't manifest on his face. His lips part as the air leaves him, and he stares blankly as he tries to process what's coming out of Ryuji's mouth.
A confession. It's a confession, and the conviction behind it is almost tangible, so intense that Ren could never imagine this being a ruse.
I love you, too.
The words are rising up his throat when Ryuji's demeanor suddenly changes, sending them plummeting back down, a heavy and uncomfortable weight in the pit of his stomach. Oh. When did Ryuji become such a good actor? Ren thought he's been paying attention to all of Ryuji's personal growth, but he guesses he overlooked that part.
Ren's jaw snaps shut, lips pressing into a thin line as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, an excuse for his hand to obscure his expression. ]
Pretty convincing. [ It was enough to fool him, and he was the one to suggest the plan. ] That should definitely work.
[ Why did he let his mind go there so easily? His actual feelings for Ryuji shouldn't even be a factor in this. ]
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fighting shadows and trying to change the hearts of corrupt adults has nothing on telling his best friend he's been massively in love with him for years, even if it's just an act.
but it's not an act. it never has been and it never will. he'll tell himself over and over that all of this is just for show, it's fake, it means nothing. but it means everything to ryuji. his confession isn't even as long as he would have liked it to be, so much more he wants to tell ren and thank him for.
managing to get that confession out, laying himself bare for ren, gives ryuji a sense of accomplishment for it all. now he knows he'll be able to do it, and not just for purposes of lying to ren's parents. ryuji doesn't allow himself to be hopeful, dreaming that ren could possibly return the feelings, but the desire to be honest, to give his heart to ren is always going to be there.
seeing ren push his glasses up, the way he does when he's being clever, plotting something, only reassures ryuji that he's on the right track. and not that he just broke ren's heart.
there's a smile on his face when he speaks again, listing off every point with his fingers.) So... we've been in love with each other since high school. I confessed 'cause I didn't wanna lie anymore, and now we've been datin' for four months. Anything we're missing?
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It's occurring to him now that even calling this a bad idea might be too generous. Even knowing he has a thing for Ryuji, he couldn't have foreseen the ache it would cause. They're together all the time, and it's never felt like this. There's been yearning and want, sure, he's just always been happy being by Ryuji's side regardless of their status.
Well, it's too late to turn back now. He's still not sure he would really want to, given the choice.
Ren crosses his arms over his chest and nod as their story so far is recounted. ]
I think that will do it for now. [ For one, it seems like a solid enough basis that the should be able to fill in the details without contradicting one another. And besides that, Ren isn't too keen on lingering on his part of the discussion right now. ] If we have to think up anything on the spot, we can just follow each other's lead.
[ Letting his arms drop, Ren glances over with a small smile. ] We can figure out the date thing tomorrow. I'm starting to get tired.
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one thing is for sure, though, that when ren says he's tired, he is tired. ryuji's smile fades as he takes a moment to consider the pressure ren must be under, to have his parents respect his own wishes, but also have to go out of his way to deceive them like this. it can't be easy, and ryuji is sitting here just happy he can kiss him and say 'i love you' without any fallout.
without any warning, ryuji pulls ren into a hug, arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold him close. give him that extra bit of support he no doubt needs.) Hey, dude, I know you're probably gonna deal with a lot more from now on. How about I take care of the date?
(he shouldn't do this, he absolutely shouldn't do this, it's selfish and wrong and crossing a line. but that tiny voice in the back of his head screaming "what if ren needs this" takes over. it's nothing dramatic, all ryuji does it press his lips to the top of ren's head, burying in there and planting a small kiss.
something that can't be taken back, even if he wanted to. but he doesn't.) You can at least trust me with that much, right?
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But just when he's about to get up from the couch, there are arms dragging him back. Ren freezes for a moment, surprised at first, only for it to melt away to comfort as an arm slips around Ryuji in return. Hugs between them are rare but not unheard of, reserved for the moments when one of them seems to really need the contact. Maybe his emotions were showing through more than he thought?
Leaving the date plans to Ryuji actually doesn't sound all that bad. He sounds kind of excited about it, even. He's ready to voice his approval when he feels Ryuji press into his hair, lips meeting the crown of his head. Is he… kissing Ren? His chest aches, both with the tenderness of the moment and with the knowledge that it's just Ryuji playing into the fake boyfriend role. Ren tries to distill the good parts and shove away the bad, taking comfort in the embrace as he nods. ] Yeah, I'd appreciate that.
[ Staying like this is dangerous, though. He could melt into Ryuji and remain this way all night if permitted to. So after a moment of basking, Ren extracts himself with a soft pat to his best friend's shoulder, drawing away from the hug. ]
'Night, Ryuji. [ There's a pause where he stands up, tugging at the hem of his shirt to straighten it. ] And thanks again. Don't stay up too late or I'll send Morgana out here to put you to bed.
[ One last smile accompanies the threat before he treats to his room. ]
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he will absolutely not fall asleep tonight thinking about how nice ren's hair smells, how soft it was against his lips, how ren fits perfectly in his arms like he belongs there.
but the moment is short lived, with ren getting up and marching off to his room far too soon for ryuji's liking. he can't be selfish, however, he's already done so much without even asking if ren would be comfortable with it.
there's no grip to maintain the contact, allowing ren to leave with a smile on his face and a thumbs up as a response.) Sleep well, dude.
(but as soon as he's certain ren's door is closing, ryuji is grabbing the nearest pillow, shoving his face in it, and screaming.)