(that was easily the most terrifying thing ryuji sakamoto has ever done.
fighting shadows and trying to change the hearts of corrupt adults has nothing on telling his best friend he's been massively in love with him for years, even if it's just an act.
but it's not an act. it never has been and it never will. he'll tell himself over and over that all of this is just for show, it's fake, it means nothing. but it means everything to ryuji. his confession isn't even as long as he would have liked it to be, so much more he wants to tell ren and thank him for.
managing to get that confession out, laying himself bare for ren, gives ryuji a sense of accomplishment for it all. now he knows he'll be able to do it, and not just for purposes of lying to ren's parents. ryuji doesn't allow himself to be hopeful, dreaming that ren could possibly return the feelings, but the desire to be honest, to give his heart to ren is always going to be there.
seeing ren push his glasses up, the way he does when he's being clever, plotting something, only reassures ryuji that he's on the right track. and not that he just broke ren's heart.
there's a smile on his face when he speaks again, listing off every point with his fingers.) So... we've been in love with each other since high school. I confessed 'cause I didn't wanna lie anymore, and now we've been datin' for four months. Anything we're missing?
[ The misinterpretation leaves Ren feeling like his energy has been sapped, like the moment his heart slowed and sank, fatigue set into its place. He feels like taking off his glasses and scrubbing a hand down his face, but doing so would reveal far too much about his mental state to Ryuji. The last thing he wants is for Ryuji to realize that his fake confession got under his skin to such a degree.
It's occurring to him now that even calling this a bad idea might be too generous. Even knowing he has a thing for Ryuji, he couldn't have foreseen the ache it would cause. They're together all the time, and it's never felt like this. There's been yearning and want, sure, he's just always been happy being by Ryuji's side regardless of their status.
Well, it's too late to turn back now. He's still not sure he would really want to, given the choice.
Ren crosses his arms over his chest and nod as their story so far is recounted. ]
I think that will do it for now. [ For one, it seems like a solid enough basis that the should be able to fill in the details without contradicting one another. And besides that, Ren isn't too keen on lingering on his part of the discussion right now. ] If we have to think up anything on the spot, we can just follow each other's lead.
[ Letting his arms drop, Ren glances over with a small smile. ] We can figure out the date thing tomorrow. I'm starting to get tired.
(it's not entirely evident, but to ryuji, who painstakingly watches ren, always trying to notice if something is wrong under that calm demeanor, it is clear that ren is tired. maybe ryuji focused a little too much on the minor details of it all, or questioned the whole idea a few too many times, or maybe ren's parents are just getting to him more than ryuji knows.
one thing is for sure, though, that when ren says he's tired, he is tired. ryuji's smile fades as he takes a moment to consider the pressure ren must be under, to have his parents respect his own wishes, but also have to go out of his way to deceive them like this. it can't be easy, and ryuji is sitting here just happy he can kiss him and say 'i love you' without any fallout.
without any warning, ryuji pulls ren into a hug, arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold him close. give him that extra bit of support he no doubt needs.) Hey, dude, I know you're probably gonna deal with a lot more from now on. How about I take care of the date?
(he shouldn't do this, he absolutely shouldn't do this, it's selfish and wrong and crossing a line. but that tiny voice in the back of his head screaming "what if ren needs this" takes over. it's nothing dramatic, all ryuji does it press his lips to the top of ren's head, burying in there and planting a small kiss.
something that can't be taken back, even if he wanted to. but he doesn't.) You can at least trust me with that much, right?
[ That seems like that. He's expecting the usual now: goodnights to be exchanged, and then he'll head off to the privacy of his bedroom, where he can contemplate the gravity of the decisions he's made today.
But just when he's about to get up from the couch, there are arms dragging him back. Ren freezes for a moment, surprised at first, only for it to melt away to comfort as an arm slips around Ryuji in return. Hugs between them are rare but not unheard of, reserved for the moments when one of them seems to really need the contact. Maybe his emotions were showing through more than he thought?
Leaving the date plans to Ryuji actually doesn't sound all that bad. He sounds kind of excited about it, even. He's ready to voice his approval when he feels Ryuji press into his hair, lips meeting the crown of his head. Is he… kissing Ren? His chest aches, both with the tenderness of the moment and with the knowledge that it's just Ryuji playing into the fake boyfriend role. Ren tries to distill the good parts and shove away the bad, taking comfort in the embrace as he nods. ] Yeah, I'd appreciate that.
[ Staying like this is dangerous, though. He could melt into Ryuji and remain this way all night if permitted to. So after a moment of basking, Ren extracts himself with a soft pat to his best friend's shoulder, drawing away from the hug. ]
'Night, Ryuji. [ There's a pause where he stands up, tugging at the hem of his shirt to straighten it. ] And thanks again. Don't stay up too late or I'll send Morgana out here to put you to bed.
[ One last smile accompanies the threat before he treats to his room. ]
(ryuji is lucky he's always been considered physically affectionate, high fives, one armed hugs, always finding a way to get into ren's personal space. it makes things like quick hugs and short kisses seem like he's just naturally slipping into the role of a boyfriend.
he will absolutely not fall asleep tonight thinking about how nice ren's hair smells, how soft it was against his lips, how ren fits perfectly in his arms like he belongs there.
but the moment is short lived, with ren getting up and marching off to his room far too soon for ryuji's liking. he can't be selfish, however, he's already done so much without even asking if ren would be comfortable with it.
there's no grip to maintain the contact, allowing ren to leave with a smile on his face and a thumbs up as a response.) Sleep well, dude.
(but as soon as he's certain ren's door is closing, ryuji is grabbing the nearest pillow, shoving his face in it, and screaming.)
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no subject
fighting shadows and trying to change the hearts of corrupt adults has nothing on telling his best friend he's been massively in love with him for years, even if it's just an act.
but it's not an act. it never has been and it never will. he'll tell himself over and over that all of this is just for show, it's fake, it means nothing. but it means everything to ryuji. his confession isn't even as long as he would have liked it to be, so much more he wants to tell ren and thank him for.
managing to get that confession out, laying himself bare for ren, gives ryuji a sense of accomplishment for it all. now he knows he'll be able to do it, and not just for purposes of lying to ren's parents. ryuji doesn't allow himself to be hopeful, dreaming that ren could possibly return the feelings, but the desire to be honest, to give his heart to ren is always going to be there.
seeing ren push his glasses up, the way he does when he's being clever, plotting something, only reassures ryuji that he's on the right track. and not that he just broke ren's heart.
there's a smile on his face when he speaks again, listing off every point with his fingers.) So... we've been in love with each other since high school. I confessed 'cause I didn't wanna lie anymore, and now we've been datin' for four months. Anything we're missing?
no subject
It's occurring to him now that even calling this a bad idea might be too generous. Even knowing he has a thing for Ryuji, he couldn't have foreseen the ache it would cause. They're together all the time, and it's never felt like this. There's been yearning and want, sure, he's just always been happy being by Ryuji's side regardless of their status.
Well, it's too late to turn back now. He's still not sure he would really want to, given the choice.
Ren crosses his arms over his chest and nod as their story so far is recounted. ]
I think that will do it for now. [ For one, it seems like a solid enough basis that the should be able to fill in the details without contradicting one another. And besides that, Ren isn't too keen on lingering on his part of the discussion right now. ] If we have to think up anything on the spot, we can just follow each other's lead.
[ Letting his arms drop, Ren glances over with a small smile. ] We can figure out the date thing tomorrow. I'm starting to get tired.
no subject
one thing is for sure, though, that when ren says he's tired, he is tired. ryuji's smile fades as he takes a moment to consider the pressure ren must be under, to have his parents respect his own wishes, but also have to go out of his way to deceive them like this. it can't be easy, and ryuji is sitting here just happy he can kiss him and say 'i love you' without any fallout.
without any warning, ryuji pulls ren into a hug, arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold him close. give him that extra bit of support he no doubt needs.) Hey, dude, I know you're probably gonna deal with a lot more from now on. How about I take care of the date?
(he shouldn't do this, he absolutely shouldn't do this, it's selfish and wrong and crossing a line. but that tiny voice in the back of his head screaming "what if ren needs this" takes over. it's nothing dramatic, all ryuji does it press his lips to the top of ren's head, burying in there and planting a small kiss.
something that can't be taken back, even if he wanted to. but he doesn't.) You can at least trust me with that much, right?
no subject
But just when he's about to get up from the couch, there are arms dragging him back. Ren freezes for a moment, surprised at first, only for it to melt away to comfort as an arm slips around Ryuji in return. Hugs between them are rare but not unheard of, reserved for the moments when one of them seems to really need the contact. Maybe his emotions were showing through more than he thought?
Leaving the date plans to Ryuji actually doesn't sound all that bad. He sounds kind of excited about it, even. He's ready to voice his approval when he feels Ryuji press into his hair, lips meeting the crown of his head. Is he… kissing Ren? His chest aches, both with the tenderness of the moment and with the knowledge that it's just Ryuji playing into the fake boyfriend role. Ren tries to distill the good parts and shove away the bad, taking comfort in the embrace as he nods. ] Yeah, I'd appreciate that.
[ Staying like this is dangerous, though. He could melt into Ryuji and remain this way all night if permitted to. So after a moment of basking, Ren extracts himself with a soft pat to his best friend's shoulder, drawing away from the hug. ]
'Night, Ryuji. [ There's a pause where he stands up, tugging at the hem of his shirt to straighten it. ] And thanks again. Don't stay up too late or I'll send Morgana out here to put you to bed.
[ One last smile accompanies the threat before he treats to his room. ]
no subject
he will absolutely not fall asleep tonight thinking about how nice ren's hair smells, how soft it was against his lips, how ren fits perfectly in his arms like he belongs there.
but the moment is short lived, with ren getting up and marching off to his room far too soon for ryuji's liking. he can't be selfish, however, he's already done so much without even asking if ren would be comfortable with it.
there's no grip to maintain the contact, allowing ren to leave with a smile on his face and a thumbs up as a response.) Sleep well, dude.
(but as soon as he's certain ren's door is closing, ryuji is grabbing the nearest pillow, shoving his face in it, and screaming.)