[ Lux seems to find it as unbelievable as he figured she would—or so Akira thinks, until he notices her falling behind. His own steps slow to a crawl as he looks back.
He really didn't expect her to take it seriously. Who would? But maybe there was something in his voice or in his body language that gave away the truth in it. Maybe there's a part of him that wanted her to see it, something isolated and lonely that betrayed his instinct to maintain a gap between them.
Well, he put it out there. Now, how does he even begin to answer that question? ]
... Something I didn't do. [ Akira looks away, hands burrowing deeper into his pockets. It wasn't a night too unlike tonight that he heard that woman shouting for help, quiet and deceptively peaceful. ] And then for things that I did, but for good reasons.
[ Lux always did have a problem with asking too many questions. For drawing conclusions that others shied away from or vehemently denied, either out of ignorance or a desire to maintain the status quo. She's learned how to be more measured in her approach, to ask the right (safe) questions in order to avoid suspicion. But standing on the edge of something like this, feeling in her gut like there's something there—she had to take that risk. Maybe there was a part of him that hoped that she would.
But oh, she hates being right. Seeing him look away, she wishes she had been dead wrong. Especially when he frames it like that. Punished for something he didn't do; then again when he did something "for good reasons..."
Her gaze slips away as she slowly catches up to him, focusing on the trail ahead and giving him space in the mutual silence. When she finally reaches him the smile she paints across her lips is sympathetic, but tired. ]
...It's difficult to convince people to listen to reason when they refuse to, or if it goes against what they believe is true. [ ... ] You could be acting in their best interest, but no matter what you do or why you do it, some people will only see things in black and white.
[ ...Perhaps their worlds aren't as different as she thought they were after all. ]
[ Part of him knows that he doesn't need to defend himself to her, that she won't just make assumptions about him like so many others have in the past, but he can't help clarifying that last part.
But it seems that she understands more than he expected, maybe. His gaze traces sidelong briefly enough to glimpse that worn-out smile. It's the look of someone who has to reinforce their convictions with those words whenever things get rough. Pressing the issue with Kamoshida even when the volleyball players refused to spill any information, trying to convince Yusuke to go against Madarame, spinning his long and winding tale for Sae to see the truth in things—Akira's been there a fair number of times.
The arrests, on the other hand... He couldn't have convinced those people even if he'd tried. For those involved in that plot, he was nothing more than an expendable piece to be tossed away to facilitate bigger, more important plays. His death was meant to be part of a narrative and nothing more. ]
I wasn't acting in the best interest of the people who had me arrested. [ Perhaps he's revealing too much, but it's weighing on Akira's chest, dragging his gaze down to the path. Something creeps into his voice, hot like long-repressed anger. ] They knew what they were doing was wrong, gaming the system to benefit themselves at the expense of others. We were just a thorn in their sides.
[ She doesn't expect the intensity behind his words. It's the sort of heat that comes about only after someone has been so thoroughly betrayed by something they once believed in. It's jarring coming from him, and for a second time this evening, Lux is at a loss for words. They were going to make an example out of him, to let him serve as a warning to any who dared to step out of line.
Knowing what she knows about him, she can't help but feel furious on his behalf. Someone like him doesn't deserve a fate like that.
It's difficult to convince people to listen to reason when they refuse to, if it goes against what they believe is true—or if reason wouldn't directly benefit them. That last point is something she doesn't want to admit out loud, as if giving voice and form to something she knows exists would mean that she could never see the world the same way again. She couldn't bring herself to fight in order to protect the people of her country if she accepted that fact.
And if she couldn't do that, then what would be left for her to fight for?
Looking up at him, an odd intensity burns in her eyes. If they were going to make an example of him, she wants to know why. ]
Then whose interests were you trying to uphold? Who were you fighting for?
[ And would they have protected him, if they knew? Or would they have seen him cut down where he stood, in the name of justice? ]
[ There's something in her voice, a note that commands his full attention. When Akira looks over, he finds a ferocity, laser focused, maybe not intended for him but aimed his way nonetheless. ]
Myself. [ He can't even begin to pretend that it wasn't personally motivated on some level, some way of lashing out. ] My friends. [ Even if they were nothing more than acquaintances at the time they experienced their awakenings.
But more than anything: ]
For the people who don't have the courage to. So they see that it's possible to fight back. [ So that maybe one less person will have to experience the kinds of things that they did. ]
[ She gives him credit for admitting to somewhat selfish motives. But it's the last part that Lux focuses on. Fighting for those without the courage or means to fight back, championing for a better future for them...
It's almost eerie how similar they are in that regard. But where he believes that he can change minds, she knows that any effort she made would be met with hostility on all sides.
Lux had come to this conclusion the day that they met, but this only reenforces it. He's a good person—much better than she could ever be, even if his record doesn't show it. ]
Have they tried to fight back?
[ Her fervor dying down, she isn't any less engaged in what he has to say. Quite the opposite, in fact. ]
Some. [ But in the worst of those situations, one voice wasn't enough. He thinks of Ryuji, track career ended for trying to fight back against Kamoshida's abuse. Those were the situations where the Phantom Thieves were needed. ] But most are too afraid to.
[ It's frustrating, but there's also a part of him that understands that feeling of hopelessness. Sitting in a court room and listening to someone he tried to help testify against him for a crime he didn't commit was one of the lowest points of his life. Akira might as well have not had a voice at all. ]
People with power use that fear to keep those without it under control. Those were our targets.
[ And from things Lux has said before, it seems like a concept she might be familiar with. Even in the dark, he's able to focus the sharp gold of his eyes onto hers. ]
[ The situation sounds reminiscent of the rebellious whispers heard in parts of Demacia City, mostly within the slums, from those who were sick of being treated like second-class citizens. Mages who were deemed "safe", or who had been "cured" by an annuller, or those who fell on hard times found their way there; and that was where they stayed. The fear of suffering that fate (or worse) kept them complacent, kept them in their place—and Lux was hardly immune.
She keeps her eyes focused on him, even if his intensity is a bit intimidating. Where was he hiding this until now? ]
That's brazen.
[ For once, Lux doesn't sound like she's being critical of his choices. She almost sounds impressed. ]
But people like that need to be brought to justice. [ The passion begins to trickle back into her voice, even as it drops to a whisper. ] No one should be allowed to wield fear as a weapon, or use it to turn people against each other. It's unconscionable.
[ Just as he expected, her response doesn't hold any of the scolding that she sometimes carries for his more questionable choices. If anything, the way her volume softens even out here, so far away from either of their homes, speaks of someone who's used to harboring these thoughts in secret. ]
Yeah. But they're usually above the law.
[ In his world, that sort of immunity can be bought, and Akira imagines it's not so different in hers. Even across realities, human nature seems to be a constant—both the good and, unfortunately for them, the bad.
The city is but lights in the distance at their backs now, too far to offer any illumination as his lips curve into something of a smile, the intensity still present. ]
[ Lux can't deny his initial claim, and while that is technically true, there is something that sets the powerful people of his world apart from those of Demacia. Even with so much distance between her and her own world, the fear of being found out runs deep; and while she could explain why she has to use magic here, she would never be able to justify speaking ill of her home. She would need to be vague. ]
Or are the ones who create it, to serve their needs.
[ Just because she has no desire to get involved with politics doesn't mean that she is blind to what happens behind closed doors. But it isn't just their king and his council that write and enforce these—and this is something that she knows intimately.
His answer to the threat of unjust retribution doesn't surprise her; it's yet another piece to the puzzle. But she struggles to maintain eye contact, her hand briefly clenching and unclenching as she force herself to retain that connection.
She can't be vague about this. In a way, he has a right to know, and she wants to know what the stakes truly are for his actions. ]
But there are ways of dealing with insurgents that most people don't know about. Threatening them, neutralizing them by force, turning them against each other with promises of protection in exchange for unwavering loyalty. There are those who will frame this as beneficial for them—a chance better life, and protection in exchange for their fealty to those who oppress them.
But when given the choice between suffering and servitude... it isn't a choice, is it?
[ Something about her words almost sends a shiver down his spine—whether it's out of anger or a residual fear, he's not sure. It just hits too close to home, the idea of voices of dissent being snuffed out in secrecy while the rest of the world turns a blind eye.
Still, it doesn't dampen the resolve in his voice when he answers the (probably rhetorical) question Lux poses. ]
It is.
[ Isn't servitude just another less physical form of suffering? Is that alternate life really so much better when it's under someone else's control? That first time Arsene reached out to him, he made exactly that decision: a choice between letting Kamoshida continue his reign of terror or damning himself by fighting against a seemingly impossible set of circumstances. He didn't think twice before tearing that mask off his face. ]
At least by fighting, things have a chance to get better.
[ She doesn't expect an answer from him. That question isn't meant to be answered, but to give context and to explain why it might be impossible to even the most rebellious of individuals to find a way around corruption. So when Akira responds with the same resolve and intensity he's managed to maintain, Lux falters, staring at him wide-eyed in disbelief.
He intends to die for his cause if it's necessary. Part of him might have been counting on them making an example out of him, to embolden others to fight as well. Galvanizing them into action. She thought that she was beginning to understand him, to get to know him better. This calls all of that into question.
Her expression steels, as she stops walking. Her eyes locked on him, she stands firm. ]
You don't care what happens to you, do you?
[ It isn't a question, but a statement. No tip-toeing around this, Akira; she wants to hear him say it. ]
[ When Lux comes to a stop, he does as well a step later, turning to face her. Even with the hood shrouding her gaze, he can sense the focus behind it. Akira's been somewhat cowed by her disapproving stare in the past, but right now, Akira meets her directly.
Another question that isn't seeking an answer, and yet he has to give one. ]
... I do.
[ He didn't want to die then, and he still doesn't. The idea of letting himself be taken into custody, captured in a place where his friends and his Personas could do nothing for him, kept him up at night, but Akira swallowed down his fear and placed his trust in their plan.
But it's hard to put those conflicting feelings into words. His fingers worry at a lock of hair as he searches for the phrasing. ]
I know that if something happened to me, it would affect others, too. I don't want that. [ He smooths out the waves with a tug and then lets it spring back. ] But I also can't stand by and watch someone else suffer to protect myself.
[ She understands that sentiment more than he might think, and watching Akira work a lock of hair between his fingers, Lux can't help but feel a pang of sympathy. It feels like he's trying to have it both ways—positioning himself to be a martyr, while trying to save himself in the process. But the reason why, as far as she can tell, feels like something she might do if she were in his shoes. She doesn't want to hurt the people around her through her own sacrifice.
But if that was what it took, she would do it, without question. Their safety was far more important than her own. And that is where they differed.
The tired smile returns once more, spreading her lips thin as she lets her gaze slide away. Now it was her turn to struggle with finding the right words to say. ]
If someone like me chooses to fight back, then there are far more people who will suffer as a result.
[ A bit egotistical, but let her explain. ]
When so many look to you for hope and guidance, learning that you aren't what they think you are, learning that you're wrong... There is so little light in our world; I can't do something that would rob them of what's left.
[ Even when Lux's gaze averts, his stays firm. There's a shift, his thoughts pulling from the depths of his own feelings to focusing on Lux's and carefully fitting this new information into the other vague bits he knows about her already. ]
But you're not wrong. [ His hand falls back to his side, but not before hesitating slightly on the way down, twitching toward her for just a moment. ] There's nothing wrong with what you are.
[ He lulls into a beat of silence as he recalls what she told him during their first meeting. She helps look after her people, doesn't she? Would they really all revile her after what she's done for them if they found out about her magic? ]
Maybe you could help them realize that. You might actually end up giving them some light.
[ He's oversimplifying and he knows it. To tell Lux to thrust her true nature out there when she's already made it clear that it's a crime is unfair when Akira had the benefit of working from the shadow of anonymity for so long before he was discovered. Of course choosing to take those risks was easier for him.
After a moment, he shakes his head, a tiny motion that sways his hair around his face. ]
... I don't know all of your circumstances, though. [ It's not quite an apology for the suggestion, but his expression is less intense now all the same. ]
[ It's funny. There was a time when she would have done anything to hear those words, to wake up one day and be "fixed". But that isn't what she wants anymore. She isn't ashamed of who (what) she is—but it means that she must do everything possible to make sure she fits a mold that she never could. For her own safety, but more importantly, to give others hope. To be a lighthouse in the endless dark.
Even if being here in Aefenglom, surrounded by people like her in both their talents and dispositions, makes her question if she could go back to the way things were. Could she continue to fight for those who abhor everything that makes her who she is? That thought terrifies her. The only thing she has is the will to fight for her people, and without that...
Without that, she has no purpose.
He's oversimplifying, and he seems to realize that. The smile that paints itself over her lips is quiet and somber, as she shakes her head at him. ]
It's all right, you have no way of knowing. [ No one does. No one will.
Clasping her hands loosely behind her back, she turns slowly, resuming her march toward the cave once more. ]
I couldn't tell if you were a good person, or someone who wants to be known for doing good.
[ Her gaze flicks back at him, the corner of her lips pulling briefly from that perfect doll-like smile she wears. ]
[ He wants to know, but the words to express that don't come. It's not the right time. Lux, like Akira, obviously has a lot of baggage. A lot of thoughts she's locked deep down to continue being a beacon of strength for others. A lot of secrets that aren't easy to dredge up into the light just because she's far away from her world. Akira gets it.
Another time. He can be patient when he needs to be, for the right things.
For now, he'll carry on along the path, although not before watching her figure glide through the dark ahead. ]
Hmm.
[ There's a hint of a smile with the hum. He's not going to ask about that either, but it's more that he has a sense of what the answer is already. It seemed like his feelings reached Lux, after all.
With his longer stride, Akira catches up easily, adjusting back down to her pace once he's at her side again. ]
I've had an idea about you for a while. [ It's just a feeling, a little hunch, but she reminds him of his friends back home, and that says it all. ]
[ He piques her interest, and as Akira walks beside her, Lux gives him an intrigued look. She isn't used to hearing other people's opinions of her, outside of the usual praise for her actions, and he doesn't feel like the type to offer platitudes. Not after that conversation. ]
Oh? And what is that?
[ He's going to leave her hanging, isn't he?
He does have some time to give her an answer, although not much. While normally difficult to see at night, the light of magic faintly paints across the rocky mouth of Smugha cave in the distance. ]
[ He won't really keep her waiting too long. The soft glow of magical light is a welcome sight after all of this darkness. It's still too far to highlight his smile as he looks down at her, but the expression is there all the same. ]
You're a good person.
[ There's no doubt there. Even from that first meeting in that infirmary outside the Wall, he got that sense. Since then, has she ever put her own interests before other's? Not as far as Akira has seen. ]
When it comes down to it, you'll always do what you believe is best for others.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He really didn't expect her to take it seriously. Who would? But maybe there was something in his voice or in his body language that gave away the truth in it. Maybe there's a part of him that wanted her to see it, something isolated and lonely that betrayed his instinct to maintain a gap between them.
Well, he put it out there. Now, how does he even begin to answer that question? ]
... Something I didn't do. [ Akira looks away, hands burrowing deeper into his pockets. It wasn't a night too unlike tonight that he heard that woman shouting for help, quiet and deceptively peaceful. ] And then for things that I did, but for good reasons.
no subject
But oh, she hates being right. Seeing him look away, she wishes she had been dead wrong. Especially when he frames it like that. Punished for something he didn't do; then again when he did something "for good reasons..."
Her gaze slips away as she slowly catches up to him, focusing on the trail ahead and giving him space in the mutual silence. When she finally reaches him the smile she paints across her lips is sympathetic, but tired. ]
...It's difficult to convince people to listen to reason when they refuse to, or if it goes against what they believe is true. [ ... ] You could be acting in their best interest, but no matter what you do or why you do it, some people will only see things in black and white.
[ ...Perhaps their worlds aren't as different as she thought they were after all. ]
no subject
But it seems that she understands more than he expected, maybe. His gaze traces sidelong briefly enough to glimpse that worn-out smile. It's the look of someone who has to reinforce their convictions with those words whenever things get rough. Pressing the issue with Kamoshida even when the volleyball players refused to spill any information, trying to convince Yusuke to go against Madarame, spinning his long and winding tale for Sae to see the truth in things—Akira's been there a fair number of times.
The arrests, on the other hand... He couldn't have convinced those people even if he'd tried. For those involved in that plot, he was nothing more than an expendable piece to be tossed away to facilitate bigger, more important plays. His death was meant to be part of a narrative and nothing more. ]
I wasn't acting in the best interest of the people who had me arrested. [ Perhaps he's revealing too much, but it's weighing on Akira's chest, dragging his gaze down to the path. Something creeps into his voice, hot like long-repressed anger. ] They knew what they were doing was wrong, gaming the system to benefit themselves at the expense of others. We were just a thorn in their sides.
no subject
Knowing what she knows about him, she can't help but feel furious on his behalf. Someone like him doesn't deserve a fate like that.
It's difficult to convince people to listen to reason when they refuse to, if it goes against what they believe is true—or if reason wouldn't directly benefit them. That last point is something she doesn't want to admit out loud, as if giving voice and form to something she knows exists would mean that she could never see the world the same way again. She couldn't bring herself to fight in order to protect the people of her country if she accepted that fact.
And if she couldn't do that, then what would be left for her to fight for?
Looking up at him, an odd intensity burns in her eyes. If they were going to make an example of him, she wants to know why. ]
Then whose interests were you trying to uphold? Who were you fighting for?
[ And would they have protected him, if they knew? Or would they have seen him cut down where he stood, in the name of justice? ]
no subject
Myself. [ He can't even begin to pretend that it wasn't personally motivated on some level, some way of lashing out. ] My friends. [ Even if they were nothing more than acquaintances at the time they experienced their awakenings.
But more than anything: ]
For the people who don't have the courage to. So they see that it's possible to fight back. [ So that maybe one less person will have to experience the kinds of things that they did. ]
no subject
It's almost eerie how similar they are in that regard. But where he believes that he can change minds, she knows that any effort she made would be met with hostility on all sides.
Lux had come to this conclusion the day that they met, but this only reenforces it. He's a good person—much better than she could ever be, even if his record doesn't show it. ]
Have they tried to fight back?
[ Her fervor dying down, she isn't any less engaged in what he has to say. Quite the opposite, in fact. ]
no subject
[ It's frustrating, but there's also a part of him that understands that feeling of hopelessness. Sitting in a court room and listening to someone he tried to help testify against him for a crime he didn't commit was one of the lowest points of his life. Akira might as well have not had a voice at all. ]
People with power use that fear to keep those without it under control. Those were our targets.
[ And from things Lux has said before, it seems like a concept she might be familiar with. Even in the dark, he's able to focus the sharp gold of his eyes onto hers. ]
no subject
She keeps her eyes focused on him, even if his intensity is a bit intimidating. Where was he hiding this until now? ]
That's brazen.
[ For once, Lux doesn't sound like she's being critical of his choices. She almost sounds impressed. ]
But people like that need to be brought to justice. [ The passion begins to trickle back into her voice, even as it drops to a whisper. ] No one should be allowed to wield fear as a weapon, or use it to turn people against each other. It's unconscionable.
no subject
Yeah. But they're usually above the law.
[ In his world, that sort of immunity can be bought, and Akira imagines it's not so different in hers. Even across realities, human nature seems to be a constant—both the good and, unfortunately for them, the bad.
The city is but lights in the distance at their backs now, too far to offer any illumination as his lips curve into something of a smile, the intensity still present. ]
That's why sometimes you've got to go around it.
no subject
Or are the ones who create it, to serve their needs.
[ Just because she has no desire to get involved with politics doesn't mean that she is blind to what happens behind closed doors. But it isn't just their king and his council that write and enforce these—and this is something that she knows intimately.
His answer to the threat of unjust retribution doesn't surprise her; it's yet another piece to the puzzle. But she struggles to maintain eye contact, her hand briefly clenching and unclenching as she force herself to retain that connection.
She can't be vague about this. In a way, he has a right to know, and she wants to know what the stakes truly are for his actions. ]
But there are ways of dealing with insurgents that most people don't know about. Threatening them, neutralizing them by force, turning them against each other with promises of protection in exchange for unwavering loyalty. There are those who will frame this as beneficial for them—a chance better life, and protection in exchange for their fealty to those who oppress them.
But when given the choice between suffering and servitude... it isn't a choice, is it?
no subject
Still, it doesn't dampen the resolve in his voice when he answers the (probably rhetorical) question Lux poses. ]
It is.
[ Isn't servitude just another less physical form of suffering? Is that alternate life really so much better when it's under someone else's control? That first time Arsene reached out to him, he made exactly that decision: a choice between letting Kamoshida continue his reign of terror or damning himself by fighting against a seemingly impossible set of circumstances. He didn't think twice before tearing that mask off his face. ]
At least by fighting, things have a chance to get better.
no subject
He intends to die for his cause if it's necessary. Part of him might have been counting on them making an example out of him, to embolden others to fight as well. Galvanizing them into action. She thought that she was beginning to understand him, to get to know him better. This calls all of that into question.
Her expression steels, as she stops walking. Her eyes locked on him, she stands firm. ]
You don't care what happens to you, do you?
[ It isn't a question, but a statement. No tip-toeing around this, Akira; she wants to hear him say it. ]
no subject
Another question that isn't seeking an answer, and yet he has to give one. ]
... I do.
[ He didn't want to die then, and he still doesn't. The idea of letting himself be taken into custody, captured in a place where his friends and his Personas could do nothing for him, kept him up at night, but Akira swallowed down his fear and placed his trust in their plan.
But it's hard to put those conflicting feelings into words. His fingers worry at a lock of hair as he searches for the phrasing. ]
I know that if something happened to me, it would affect others, too. I don't want that. [ He smooths out the waves with a tug and then lets it spring back. ] But I also can't stand by and watch someone else suffer to protect myself.
no subject
But if that was what it took, she would do it, without question. Their safety was far more important than her own. And that is where they differed.
The tired smile returns once more, spreading her lips thin as she lets her gaze slide away. Now it was her turn to struggle with finding the right words to say. ]
If someone like me chooses to fight back, then there are far more people who will suffer as a result.
[ A bit egotistical, but let her explain. ]
When so many look to you for hope and guidance, learning that you aren't what they think you are, learning that you're wrong... There is so little light in our world; I can't do something that would rob them of what's left.
no subject
But you're not wrong. [ His hand falls back to his side, but not before hesitating slightly on the way down, twitching toward her for just a moment. ] There's nothing wrong with what you are.
[ He lulls into a beat of silence as he recalls what she told him during their first meeting. She helps look after her people, doesn't she? Would they really all revile her after what she's done for them if they found out about her magic? ]
Maybe you could help them realize that. You might actually end up giving them some light.
[ He's oversimplifying and he knows it. To tell Lux to thrust her true nature out there when she's already made it clear that it's a crime is unfair when Akira had the benefit of working from the shadow of anonymity for so long before he was discovered. Of course choosing to take those risks was easier for him.
After a moment, he shakes his head, a tiny motion that sways his hair around his face. ]
... I don't know all of your circumstances, though. [ It's not quite an apology for the suggestion, but his expression is less intense now all the same. ]
no subject
Even if being here in Aefenglom, surrounded by people like her in both their talents and dispositions, makes her question if she could go back to the way things were. Could she continue to fight for those who abhor everything that makes her who she is? That thought terrifies her. The only thing she has is the will to fight for her people, and without that...
Without that, she has no purpose.
He's oversimplifying, and he seems to realize that. The smile that paints itself over her lips is quiet and somber, as she shakes her head at him. ]
It's all right, you have no way of knowing. [ No one does. No one will.
Clasping her hands loosely behind her back, she turns slowly, resuming her march toward the cave once more. ]
I couldn't tell if you were a good person, or someone who wants to be known for doing good.
[ Her gaze flicks back at him, the corner of her lips pulling briefly from that perfect doll-like smile she wears. ]
But I think I have an idea now.
no subject
Another time. He can be patient when he needs to be, for the right things.
For now, he'll carry on along the path, although not before watching her figure glide through the dark ahead. ]
Hmm.
[ There's a hint of a smile with the hum. He's not going to ask about that either, but it's more that he has a sense of what the answer is already. It seemed like his feelings reached Lux, after all.
With his longer stride, Akira catches up easily, adjusting back down to her pace once he's at her side again. ]
I've had an idea about you for a while. [ It's just a feeling, a little hunch, but she reminds him of his friends back home, and that says it all. ]
no subject
Oh? And what is that?
[ He's going to leave her hanging, isn't he?
He does have some time to give her an answer, although not much. While normally difficult to see at night, the light of magic faintly paints across the rocky mouth of Smugha cave in the distance. ]
no subject
You're a good person.
[ There's no doubt there. Even from that first meeting in that infirmary outside the Wall, he got that sense. Since then, has she ever put her own interests before other's? Not as far as Akira has seen. ]
When it comes down to it, you'll always do what you believe is best for others.