[ Something about her words almost sends a shiver down his spine—whether it's out of anger or a residual fear, he's not sure. It just hits too close to home, the idea of voices of dissent being snuffed out in secrecy while the rest of the world turns a blind eye.
Still, it doesn't dampen the resolve in his voice when he answers the (probably rhetorical) question Lux poses. ]
It is.
[ Isn't servitude just another less physical form of suffering? Is that alternate life really so much better when it's under someone else's control? That first time Arsene reached out to him, he made exactly that decision: a choice between letting Kamoshida continue his reign of terror or damning himself by fighting against a seemingly impossible set of circumstances. He didn't think twice before tearing that mask off his face. ]
At least by fighting, things have a chance to get better.
[ She doesn't expect an answer from him. That question isn't meant to be answered, but to give context and to explain why it might be impossible to even the most rebellious of individuals to find a way around corruption. So when Akira responds with the same resolve and intensity he's managed to maintain, Lux falters, staring at him wide-eyed in disbelief.
He intends to die for his cause if it's necessary. Part of him might have been counting on them making an example out of him, to embolden others to fight as well. Galvanizing them into action. She thought that she was beginning to understand him, to get to know him better. This calls all of that into question.
Her expression steels, as she stops walking. Her eyes locked on him, she stands firm. ]
You don't care what happens to you, do you?
[ It isn't a question, but a statement. No tip-toeing around this, Akira; she wants to hear him say it. ]
[ When Lux comes to a stop, he does as well a step later, turning to face her. Even with the hood shrouding her gaze, he can sense the focus behind it. Akira's been somewhat cowed by her disapproving stare in the past, but right now, Akira meets her directly.
Another question that isn't seeking an answer, and yet he has to give one. ]
... I do.
[ He didn't want to die then, and he still doesn't. The idea of letting himself be taken into custody, captured in a place where his friends and his Personas could do nothing for him, kept him up at night, but Akira swallowed down his fear and placed his trust in their plan.
But it's hard to put those conflicting feelings into words. His fingers worry at a lock of hair as he searches for the phrasing. ]
I know that if something happened to me, it would affect others, too. I don't want that. [ He smooths out the waves with a tug and then lets it spring back. ] But I also can't stand by and watch someone else suffer to protect myself.
[ She understands that sentiment more than he might think, and watching Akira work a lock of hair between his fingers, Lux can't help but feel a pang of sympathy. It feels like he's trying to have it both ways—positioning himself to be a martyr, while trying to save himself in the process. But the reason why, as far as she can tell, feels like something she might do if she were in his shoes. She doesn't want to hurt the people around her through her own sacrifice.
But if that was what it took, she would do it, without question. Their safety was far more important than her own. And that is where they differed.
The tired smile returns once more, spreading her lips thin as she lets her gaze slide away. Now it was her turn to struggle with finding the right words to say. ]
If someone like me chooses to fight back, then there are far more people who will suffer as a result.
[ A bit egotistical, but let her explain. ]
When so many look to you for hope and guidance, learning that you aren't what they think you are, learning that you're wrong... There is so little light in our world; I can't do something that would rob them of what's left.
[ Even when Lux's gaze averts, his stays firm. There's a shift, his thoughts pulling from the depths of his own feelings to focusing on Lux's and carefully fitting this new information into the other vague bits he knows about her already. ]
But you're not wrong. [ His hand falls back to his side, but not before hesitating slightly on the way down, twitching toward her for just a moment. ] There's nothing wrong with what you are.
[ He lulls into a beat of silence as he recalls what she told him during their first meeting. She helps look after her people, doesn't she? Would they really all revile her after what she's done for them if they found out about her magic? ]
Maybe you could help them realize that. You might actually end up giving them some light.
[ He's oversimplifying and he knows it. To tell Lux to thrust her true nature out there when she's already made it clear that it's a crime is unfair when Akira had the benefit of working from the shadow of anonymity for so long before he was discovered. Of course choosing to take those risks was easier for him.
After a moment, he shakes his head, a tiny motion that sways his hair around his face. ]
... I don't know all of your circumstances, though. [ It's not quite an apology for the suggestion, but his expression is less intense now all the same. ]
[ It's funny. There was a time when she would have done anything to hear those words, to wake up one day and be "fixed". But that isn't what she wants anymore. She isn't ashamed of who (what) she is—but it means that she must do everything possible to make sure she fits a mold that she never could. For her own safety, but more importantly, to give others hope. To be a lighthouse in the endless dark.
Even if being here in Aefenglom, surrounded by people like her in both their talents and dispositions, makes her question if she could go back to the way things were. Could she continue to fight for those who abhor everything that makes her who she is? That thought terrifies her. The only thing she has is the will to fight for her people, and without that...
Without that, she has no purpose.
He's oversimplifying, and he seems to realize that. The smile that paints itself over her lips is quiet and somber, as she shakes her head at him. ]
It's all right, you have no way of knowing. [ No one does. No one will.
Clasping her hands loosely behind her back, she turns slowly, resuming her march toward the cave once more. ]
I couldn't tell if you were a good person, or someone who wants to be known for doing good.
[ Her gaze flicks back at him, the corner of her lips pulling briefly from that perfect doll-like smile she wears. ]
[ He wants to know, but the words to express that don't come. It's not the right time. Lux, like Akira, obviously has a lot of baggage. A lot of thoughts she's locked deep down to continue being a beacon of strength for others. A lot of secrets that aren't easy to dredge up into the light just because she's far away from her world. Akira gets it.
Another time. He can be patient when he needs to be, for the right things.
For now, he'll carry on along the path, although not before watching her figure glide through the dark ahead. ]
Hmm.
[ There's a hint of a smile with the hum. He's not going to ask about that either, but it's more that he has a sense of what the answer is already. It seemed like his feelings reached Lux, after all.
With his longer stride, Akira catches up easily, adjusting back down to her pace once he's at her side again. ]
I've had an idea about you for a while. [ It's just a feeling, a little hunch, but she reminds him of his friends back home, and that says it all. ]
[ He piques her interest, and as Akira walks beside her, Lux gives him an intrigued look. She isn't used to hearing other people's opinions of her, outside of the usual praise for her actions, and he doesn't feel like the type to offer platitudes. Not after that conversation. ]
Oh? And what is that?
[ He's going to leave her hanging, isn't he?
He does have some time to give her an answer, although not much. While normally difficult to see at night, the light of magic faintly paints across the rocky mouth of Smugha cave in the distance. ]
[ He won't really keep her waiting too long. The soft glow of magical light is a welcome sight after all of this darkness. It's still too far to highlight his smile as he looks down at her, but the expression is there all the same. ]
You're a good person.
[ There's no doubt there. Even from that first meeting in that infirmary outside the Wall, he got that sense. Since then, has she ever put her own interests before other's? Not as far as Akira has seen. ]
When it comes down to it, you'll always do what you believe is best for others.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Still, it doesn't dampen the resolve in his voice when he answers the (probably rhetorical) question Lux poses. ]
It is.
[ Isn't servitude just another less physical form of suffering? Is that alternate life really so much better when it's under someone else's control? That first time Arsene reached out to him, he made exactly that decision: a choice between letting Kamoshida continue his reign of terror or damning himself by fighting against a seemingly impossible set of circumstances. He didn't think twice before tearing that mask off his face. ]
At least by fighting, things have a chance to get better.
no subject
He intends to die for his cause if it's necessary. Part of him might have been counting on them making an example out of him, to embolden others to fight as well. Galvanizing them into action. She thought that she was beginning to understand him, to get to know him better. This calls all of that into question.
Her expression steels, as she stops walking. Her eyes locked on him, she stands firm. ]
You don't care what happens to you, do you?
[ It isn't a question, but a statement. No tip-toeing around this, Akira; she wants to hear him say it. ]
no subject
Another question that isn't seeking an answer, and yet he has to give one. ]
... I do.
[ He didn't want to die then, and he still doesn't. The idea of letting himself be taken into custody, captured in a place where his friends and his Personas could do nothing for him, kept him up at night, but Akira swallowed down his fear and placed his trust in their plan.
But it's hard to put those conflicting feelings into words. His fingers worry at a lock of hair as he searches for the phrasing. ]
I know that if something happened to me, it would affect others, too. I don't want that. [ He smooths out the waves with a tug and then lets it spring back. ] But I also can't stand by and watch someone else suffer to protect myself.
no subject
But if that was what it took, she would do it, without question. Their safety was far more important than her own. And that is where they differed.
The tired smile returns once more, spreading her lips thin as she lets her gaze slide away. Now it was her turn to struggle with finding the right words to say. ]
If someone like me chooses to fight back, then there are far more people who will suffer as a result.
[ A bit egotistical, but let her explain. ]
When so many look to you for hope and guidance, learning that you aren't what they think you are, learning that you're wrong... There is so little light in our world; I can't do something that would rob them of what's left.
no subject
But you're not wrong. [ His hand falls back to his side, but not before hesitating slightly on the way down, twitching toward her for just a moment. ] There's nothing wrong with what you are.
[ He lulls into a beat of silence as he recalls what she told him during their first meeting. She helps look after her people, doesn't she? Would they really all revile her after what she's done for them if they found out about her magic? ]
Maybe you could help them realize that. You might actually end up giving them some light.
[ He's oversimplifying and he knows it. To tell Lux to thrust her true nature out there when she's already made it clear that it's a crime is unfair when Akira had the benefit of working from the shadow of anonymity for so long before he was discovered. Of course choosing to take those risks was easier for him.
After a moment, he shakes his head, a tiny motion that sways his hair around his face. ]
... I don't know all of your circumstances, though. [ It's not quite an apology for the suggestion, but his expression is less intense now all the same. ]
no subject
Even if being here in Aefenglom, surrounded by people like her in both their talents and dispositions, makes her question if she could go back to the way things were. Could she continue to fight for those who abhor everything that makes her who she is? That thought terrifies her. The only thing she has is the will to fight for her people, and without that...
Without that, she has no purpose.
He's oversimplifying, and he seems to realize that. The smile that paints itself over her lips is quiet and somber, as she shakes her head at him. ]
It's all right, you have no way of knowing. [ No one does. No one will.
Clasping her hands loosely behind her back, she turns slowly, resuming her march toward the cave once more. ]
I couldn't tell if you were a good person, or someone who wants to be known for doing good.
[ Her gaze flicks back at him, the corner of her lips pulling briefly from that perfect doll-like smile she wears. ]
But I think I have an idea now.
no subject
Another time. He can be patient when he needs to be, for the right things.
For now, he'll carry on along the path, although not before watching her figure glide through the dark ahead. ]
Hmm.
[ There's a hint of a smile with the hum. He's not going to ask about that either, but it's more that he has a sense of what the answer is already. It seemed like his feelings reached Lux, after all.
With his longer stride, Akira catches up easily, adjusting back down to her pace once he's at her side again. ]
I've had an idea about you for a while. [ It's just a feeling, a little hunch, but she reminds him of his friends back home, and that says it all. ]
no subject
Oh? And what is that?
[ He's going to leave her hanging, isn't he?
He does have some time to give her an answer, although not much. While normally difficult to see at night, the light of magic faintly paints across the rocky mouth of Smugha cave in the distance. ]
no subject
You're a good person.
[ There's no doubt there. Even from that first meeting in that infirmary outside the Wall, he got that sense. Since then, has she ever put her own interests before other's? Not as far as Akira has seen. ]
When it comes down to it, you'll always do what you believe is best for others.