[He snorts without meaning to but he can't stop it. Who on Earth would bond with him and deal with that mess? Besides, he doesn't want to rely on someone like that.]
[ Stupid in the sense that Akechi is every bit as stubborn as he is—even though, deep down, underneath all of his reservations, Akira knows it's practical.
The response has any sort of humor fading from his expression. ] Typically the other person is the one who decides whether they enjoy something.
[ He's not going to comment on that last part right now. ]
[He raises his eyebrows, though he sips his coffee. Even Akira wouldn't spend time with him if he had other options but he doesn't point that out. The coffee provides a good way to keep his thoughts to himself.]
They need factual information to base their decisions on, though. [But he did notice Akira glossing over his own end.] Why don't you want to?
[ Maybe it's his moon-frayed nerves at work, but Akechi's response triggers a brief flash of irritation. His front teeth clack lightly against the rim of the mug as he brings it up to hide the twist of his mouth. Akira winces, the fumble cooling his mood just as quickly as it flared. He's still getting used to those being bigger, although it's mostly just brief forgetful moments now. ]
I have things I want to keep to myself. [ It might not be mind-reading, but if he bonds with someone, they'll at least be able to tell when he's hiding something. ]
[ Who needs a bond when he has ever-observant Akechi to pick up on his moods? Not Akira. ]
... It's fine. [ His expression softens a bit more now, and he tucks his arms across his front, resting his cup near the crook of his elbow. ] You're just not being fair to yourself when you talk like that.
We talked about second chances, right? Everyone on the planet can give you a second chance, but it isn't going to matter if you don't give yourself one.
Mmm. [He frowns. They did talk about that. But he still hasn't found a reason to be here or anywhere else for that matter. Looking at himself, he can't see how a second chance isn't wasted on him in the first place. Well, there are a number of reasons it wouldn't work out anyway.] There is quite a lot of literature written about this subject, you know. For example, Aristotle posited that nothing is inherently good. No action has inherent goodness but rather a number of factors about yourself plays into what makes the action good or bad, not the outcome of said action.
[ Chances are he's not in the right mental state for a philosophical discussion tonight, but Akira buckles in anyway. If this is how Akechi views the world, he'd like to try. ]
So do you think you're incapable of doing good things because of those factors? [ He's caught a couple of glimpses now of Akechi's true self-worth; it wouldn't be surprising if that were the case. ] Because if so, I disagree.
Not because of the factors he outlined specifically. [But that murmured correction doesn't explain his own feelings very well.] What do you think then? I'm curious. I don't know too much about your views on these matters.
[ A finger taps at the handle of his cup as he considers how to piece together his thoughts. ]
... I think it's true that it's not so black and white. But I don't think any number of bad factors means someone is less capable of doing good. We're all capable of it, even without a change of heart to wipe those things away.
I don't know if everyone is capable of good. [Most people he has met throughout his life wouldn't qualify for that.] But I actually do agree that bad factors don't exclude the ability to do good or cancel out anything good they do. It really depends on the situation. Still, it's something important to humans, which is why so many philosophers have tried to come up with a system that can create a good person, or at least their version of a good person. Morals and ethics play into that, of course, but even so, everyone tries to figure out what would be the 'right' thing to do at some point.
It seems too complicated to ever be defined by a system. Systems require a certain amount of logic, and people and emotions just aren't logical sometimes. [ Like Akechi mentioned earlier, basing enjoyment on factual evidence—sometimes it doesn't even play out like one would expect looking at facts.
He reaches back to set his cup onto the counter. ]
But I guess that's what makes it exciting for philosophers to pursue.
[He gives an encouraging nod as he lowers his cup from his lips, smiling.] That would be similar to absurdist theory. The universe is chaotic and meaningless and yet we search for meaning, for purpose, for absolutes that cannot ever be given. Probably, anyway. It's a perfectly valid philosophy to subscribe to.
"Thus I draw from the absurd three consequences, which are my revolt, my freedom, and my passion. By the mere activity of consciousness I transform into a rule of life what was an invitation to death, and I refuse suicide." [He laughs softly.] That would be Camus, a rather famous absurdist. To exist is an act of rebellion in a universe that denies you significance and meaning.
I think I can relate to that one more than the others. [ Maybe because he's had to fight his way into creating a place for himself in the world. Rebellion has become so tied to his existence that it seems apt. ]
I thought you might like it. I think it suits you. [He hesitates before making a decision and continuing.] Hegelian philosophy is characterized by the dichotomy of master and slave, of you and the other. I'm oversimplifying it, of course. The problem with Hegelian philosophy is that you could read several different volumes and still not have made much of a dent.
[Akechi drums his fingers on his mug.] But in essence, there is you and the other. By seeing the other, you come to recognise yourself. Your strengths but also your weaknesses. Your flaws. And in the other, you see the strengths and weaknesses. It creates an instability in your world that you, naturally, try to correct. You try to come out on top and dominate the other. However, that way leads to ruin, because it isn't domination anyone really wants. It's recognition. It's equality. No one who solely dominates finds it fulfilling or rewarding. They must continue to do it, again and again, and it will never be enough. It will never give them what they need for their true satisfaction.
[How many rich people are content with their riches? How many politicians are content with their power? No one who builds their lives on domination has been satisfied with that life, as far as he has seen. They only devour more around them.]
Basically, we live in a world of interactions and we desire something from those interactions. We have a self that needs to be met by the selves of others. I find it interesting.
... That one speaks a lot to the nature of people. [ He can see why Akechi is a fan; it is interesting, and Akira has seen plenty of people who only chase domination. They're the types to spawn Shadows and Palaces in the Metaverse.
There's a pause where he turns towards the counter, leaning a forearm against it as he takes up his cup again. ]
Becoming close to the people I have gave me a better view of myself than I've ever had. Maybe before that I tried to dominate, but with them... [ Akira trails off as something sparks in his memory, a vague familiarity finally connecting, and he glances up at Akechi. ]
[A light comes to his eyes as he gives a soft laugh. Out of everything, he didn't expect him to remember something he said to try to impress him. At the time, he'd be certain that had been a 'miss'. But Akira remembers after all. A warmth builds in his chest and he feels annoyed and delighted at once.]
You remember that. I didn't know if you would or not. Yes, it's about self-recognition and someone outside of you validating that self. Mind you, Hegel hated that people reduced these views to such simplistic versions of themselves, because he knew interactions with the world are not at all neat or simple. There is no ideal in this world but rather incomplete, struggling viewpoints throwing themselves against each other in explosive and messy clashes. Sometimes those merge into something greater than the parts. But not often.
It didn't make much sense at the time, but now I understand. [ As well as he can, anyway.
Akira lifts a hand to scratch at his ear. They've migrated far enough up his head that he can't really get away with wearing his glasses anymore, a loss he inwardly mourns. Even if they're technically useless, he's grown fond of wearing them. ]
... If that's how it is, I hope I can help you recognize yourself.
[Another surprise. Akechi sips his coffee, eyes shut as he considers it. Akira did help him see it. He saw the kind of hero he had wanted to be in the other boy, the kind of person he had once thought maybe he could be someday in general. He saw someone he didn't understand and he can't say he reacted well to it, either, but that too was part of himself. All the things Akira makes him think and feel are parts of himself, for better or worse.
He offers soft words as he swirls the coffee in the mug.]
[ Through their unique and complicated history, Akechi has made Akira see things about himself that no one else has—the depth of his anger, resentment, forgiveness, sympathy.
But that's difficult for even Akira, careful and deliberate as he is, to put into words. Besides, a thought jumps to mind, one that he voices with a good-humored noise. ]
Weren't we supposed to be drunk for this conversation?
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[ Or so he's been told a few times. Akira just can't get behind the idea of sharing all of his emotions with another person yet. ]
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What a terrible idea.
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Hey, I don't make the rules this place runs on.
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No one would enjoy that arrangement: myself or the unfortunate on the other end. Besides, that advice would work for you, too.
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The response has any sort of humor fading from his expression. ] Typically the other person is the one who decides whether they enjoy something.
[ He's not going to comment on that last part right now. ]
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They need factual information to base their decisions on, though. [But he did notice Akira glossing over his own end.] Why don't you want to?
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I have things I want to keep to myself. [ It might not be mind-reading, but if he bonds with someone, they'll at least be able to tell when he's hiding something. ]
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Like when I irritate you. My apologies. That isn't a very good 'thank you'.
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... It's fine. [ His expression softens a bit more now, and he tucks his arms across his front, resting his cup near the crook of his elbow. ] You're just not being fair to yourself when you talk like that.
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Ah? That's the part that irritated you?
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We talked about second chances, right? Everyone on the planet can give you a second chance, but it isn't going to matter if you don't give yourself one.
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So do you think you're incapable of doing good things because of those factors? [ He's caught a couple of glimpses now of Akechi's true self-worth; it wouldn't be surprising if that were the case. ] Because if so, I disagree.
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... I think it's true that it's not so black and white. But I don't think any number of bad factors means someone is less capable of doing good. We're all capable of it, even without a change of heart to wipe those things away.
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He reaches back to set his cup onto the counter. ]
But I guess that's what makes it exciting for philosophers to pursue.
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"Thus I draw from the absurd three consequences, which are my revolt, my freedom, and my passion. By the mere activity of consciousness I transform into a rule of life what was an invitation to death, and I refuse suicide." [He laughs softly.] That would be Camus, a rather famous absurdist. To exist is an act of rebellion in a universe that denies you significance and meaning.
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I think I can relate to that one more than the others. [ Maybe because he's had to fight his way into creating a place for himself in the world. Rebellion has become so tied to his existence that it seems apt. ]
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[Akechi drums his fingers on his mug.] But in essence, there is you and the other. By seeing the other, you come to recognise yourself. Your strengths but also your weaknesses. Your flaws. And in the other, you see the strengths and weaknesses. It creates an instability in your world that you, naturally, try to correct. You try to come out on top and dominate the other. However, that way leads to ruin, because it isn't domination anyone really wants. It's recognition. It's equality. No one who solely dominates finds it fulfilling or rewarding. They must continue to do it, again and again, and it will never be enough. It will never give them what they need for their true satisfaction.
[How many rich people are content with their riches? How many politicians are content with their power? No one who builds their lives on domination has been satisfied with that life, as far as he has seen. They only devour more around them.]
Basically, we live in a world of interactions and we desire something from those interactions. We have a self that needs to be met by the selves of others. I find it interesting.
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There's a pause where he turns towards the counter, leaning a forearm against it as he takes up his cup again. ]
Becoming close to the people I have gave me a better view of myself than I've ever had. Maybe before that I tried to dominate, but with them... [ Akira trails off as something sparks in his memory, a vague familiarity finally connecting, and he glances up at Akechi. ]
Thesis and antithesis, right?
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You remember that. I didn't know if you would or not. Yes, it's about self-recognition and someone outside of you validating that self. Mind you, Hegel hated that people reduced these views to such simplistic versions of themselves, because he knew interactions with the world are not at all neat or simple. There is no ideal in this world but rather incomplete, struggling viewpoints throwing themselves against each other in explosive and messy clashes. Sometimes those merge into something greater than the parts. But not often.
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Akira lifts a hand to scratch at his ear. They've migrated far enough up his head that he can't really get away with wearing his glasses anymore, a loss he inwardly mourns. Even if they're technically useless, he's grown fond of wearing them. ]
... If that's how it is, I hope I can help you recognize yourself.
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He offers soft words as he swirls the coffee in the mug.]
I'd like it if I did the same someday.
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[ Through their unique and complicated history, Akechi has made Akira see things about himself that no one else has—the depth of his anger, resentment, forgiveness, sympathy.
But that's difficult for even Akira, careful and deliberate as he is, to put into words. Besides, a thought jumps to mind, one that he voices with a good-humored noise. ]
Weren't we supposed to be drunk for this conversation?
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