[ Akira supposes he might be as fascinated if it were someone else's ears, too. Right now, though, he's just going to enjoy the exploratory brushes of her fingers over the fur, putting him as ease. It almost spurs him to shut his eyes, but Akira might just start to nod off again if he does, so he's sure to keep them open and watching Lux's reactions play across her face. ]
Still nothing. I think they're done growing for now. [ Or at least drastically slowed. ]
[ It's easy for Lux to lose track of what she's doing when trying to satisfy her curiosity, and she realizes that she may have overstepped her bounds as she pulls her hands away. Placing them quickly in her lap, she smiles at him meekly. ]
[ There's a sliver of disappointment at the loss of the touch, but Akira masks it behind a smile before she corrects her unintended pun. ]
It actually felt sort of nice. [ It's easier to admit that than any of the truly unpleasant things that have come along with the changes.
He brings a hand up to rub at an itchy spot, the other hand going for another cookie. ]
I can see why some animals like having their ears scratched...
[ Even Morgana liked it from select people, although he always pretended not to. Akira wishes he were here, even knowing that he'd surely have some peanut gallery comments about these changes. ]
[ That isn't the sort of response she was expecting, and as she stares at him briefly with a fluttered blink, it takes Lux a moment to figure out how to answer. She isn't used to this, but something about being told that her touch was nice... it's quaint, in a good way. Especially considering how things were back home. It pulls an unexpected, clumsy smile out of her in return. ]
I guess it's good to know I still have the touch, even after so long.
[ Ah, that makes her a little homesick. Even if it's been years since they kept dogs at the estate, the memory is still bittersweet. Not to mention that Starfire must miss her terribly. ]
[ Lux's stare is a reminder that it might be a weird thing to tell someone, but the smile that soon emerges lets Akira know that she isn't bothered by it.
Her response, though, leaves him curious. It sounds like she has some sort of past experience with animals. ]
[ The question pulls a quietly wistful smile out of her, and as Lux leans forward, she lets her hands hang comfortably at her knees. She stares out into the space in front of her. ]
My father used to keep hunting dogs before he moved to the capital. I have a horse as well, but he prefers apples over affection.
[ Her eyes flick up towards him, as she tilts her head inquisitively. ]
[ With his front teeth slightly larger than they were before the full moon, the way Akira eats the cookie while quietly listening can only be described as nibbling. Lux only speaks a couple of sentences, but it's enough to paint a picture: It sounds like she lived somewhere more open than the larger cities she spoke of before. Maybe an estate? It's far too easy to imagine her with a horse, for some reason.
When the question is turned back on him, Akira pauses, a smile hinting onto his face. ]
I have a cat, but he prefers sushi over affection.
[ He only remembers after it's out of his mouth that she probably doesn't know what it is. From what Akira's heard about Lux's world, so different from his own, it's no surprise that she looks confused by the word. ]
Ah, it's usually... rice and raw seafood, put together so you can pick it up and eat it in one go. [ There's a motion of his hand—maybe he's trying to indicate the shape or size? ]
[ She's posing some surprisingly difficult questions. Akira realizes that sushi is one of those things that he's sort of just accepted it to be the way it is without ever questioning the how or the why. ]
I think the vinegar in the rice cures it a bit. [ Maybe? ]
[ It's something he wishes he could share with her. Akira misses all of the little pieces of home that pop to mind throughout his days here, but it would be that much better if he could spread those things to people who have never experienced them. ]
I wish I could make it. It's like an art back home, though. [ And while his cooking abilities are better than those of an average 17-year-old male back home, he doesn't have any skill in that department.
Speaking of cooking, he picks up another cookie, turning it over curiously in his hand. ]
[ Raw fish on rice is considered art? Now she's really intrigued. It makes it even harder to visualize, but Akira doesn't give her much time to dwell on that thought. Putting on a thin smile, Lux waves a hand dismissively before laughing sheepishly. ]
Oh, no, I don't cook. We always had someone else take care of that for us.
[ There's no use hiding her upbringing at this point. Besides, Akira doesn't seem the type who would treat her any differently, and it would be easier to explain this way. ]
There's a bakery not too far from here that makes them.
[ Well, with what he's been able to put together about her background, that tracks. Lux is right to suspect that it's not the type of thing that would color his opinion of her. It didn't with Haru, and it won't now. Having a privileged upbringing doesn't mean one had an easy or happy life. ]
Ah. Thanks for sharing, then. [ Akira pops another into his mouth. He's clearly enjoying them, though it helps that he's hungry. ]
[ There is a clear flash of appreciation in her eyes as Akira carries on without fanfare. It's nice, and that's enough to set Lux even more at ease as she leans back, propping herself up with her hands. ]
I wasn't going to eat them all myself. [ She probably could, but details. ] It's nice to be able to share something like this with someone else. I don't get the opportunity to very often.
[ Lux could mention that the trip to the bakery was related to her concern for him, but that feels a bit unnecessary. ]
[ He washes down the cookie with a sip of tea, the warmth of it radiating out. ]
Food is best when you share it with other people.
[ They live together now. There's no reason for any of them to have to eat every meal alone, nor does Akira want to. Lux's presence beside him is especially comforting in the same way Akechi's was last night, a buffer against the overwhelming thought of loneliness.
Thinking back to last night brings back memories of other overwhelming feelings as well. Ones he should probably tell Lux about, seeing as they, again, live together now. ]
... When I was changing, I started to feel... angry, like I was about to lose control and lash out. [ Akira looks down into the teacup, each slight movement sending a tremor rippling through the liquid. ] I think it was related to the full moon, but you should know just in case. That I might be a danger.
[ Lux nods gently, a quiet smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Eating meals on her own was simply something she had grown used to by this point—either due to how busy both of her parents could be, or because (especially lately) she was on the road. She hasn't gotten used to it yet, and there's still a part of her that doesn't want to. Losing something like that after they return to their respective worlds would be devastating.
Her smile falters as Akira explains himself, and for a moment she's at a loss for how to respond. The potential for him to lash out never occurred to her. It's clear that he's troubled about the next full moon might bring, and that he is concerned for her safety. But instead of feeding that fear, Lux holds her hand out in front of her, flexing her fingers with a quietly peaceable look on her face. ]
You know, there was a time when I was scared of my power. What it would do to me, what it could do to the people around me. And the more I feared it, the harder it was to control it. What if I something happened again in the heat of the moment? Would I end up hurting someone? I truly believed that I was dangerous.
[ That night when the sabrewulves attacked, she had only meant to chase them away. But when everything was over, the pack was decimated. Something like that stays with a person—even if they have no recollection what exactly happened.
But there is a point to all of this, and as Lux lowers her hand, placing it in her lap, her countenance shifts into something warm and sympathetic. ]
"A shadow thrives beside the light." When I was afraid that I would control, or that I would be a danger to others, I would repeat those words in my head, to calm myself down. It kept me grounded, until I felt like I had control again.
[ He's not really sure what type of reaction to expect. Concern, maybe, or questions, but certainly not the placid look Lux adopts. Akira's eyes follow to her hand as well.
Her words give shape to something he might not have been able to on his own. That fear of slipping into a state where he might do something terrible and irreversible. The same feeling that set in in the interrogation room, when they forced the needle into his skin while he struggled, the edge of panic there when the drugs began to cloud his mind and obscure the objective he needed to achieve at all costs. It wasn't something he wanted to ever relive, toeing that cliff to that deep abyss, but here he is.
But Lux's voice washes something warmer over him. It may not remove all of that uncertainty, but it gives Akira something to consider. ] "A shadow thrives beside the light"...
[ He knows that feeling is unlikely to disappear—if anything, it's only going to get worse. But Lux may be right that trying to push it away will only make it more volatile. ]
... Thanks, Lux. I'll try that next time. [ It's something he can do on his own at least, rather than trying to rely on someone else's presence to keep him lucid. ]
[ What she wouldn't give to tell him that that feeling would disappear someday. While Lux may no longer be afraid of the light that rushed through her, it's because of all of the work that goes on in the background. Keeping her moods measured and even, practicing and pushing herself close to her breaking point; and keeping the people around her at arm's length so they would never be able to see the struggle. Getting too close could throw that delicate dance off beat, and take her carefully constructed world down along with it.
That fear will never go away, but instead of letting it paralyze her, Lux uses it to push her forward. Knowing that she needs to be an unwavering source of light for others keeps her focused.
She gives Akira all the space he needs to work things out in his head, looking away as she takes a cookie for herself. Her words may not completely assuage his fears, but Lux has experienced how important having a grounding presence nearby can quiet the whispers of doubt. ]
Sometimes having something as simple as that can help. [ She glances up at him briefly, a hint of a smile spreading across her lips before she looks out once more. ] But you don't have to face this alone. No matter what happens, I'll be here however you need me. Even if it's just to take another trip out to the bakery.
[ He doesn't have to, but there's still a part of Akira that protests the spotlight of concern being placed so firmly on him. It's always been that his own struggles take a backseat to those of the people he cares about. Their smiles are a balm that can get him through any hurt, and keeping a strong front to support them in turn makes it easy to get through his difficulties.
But they're not here, a fact that he's felt acutely the past couple of days. ]
I'll keep that in mind. [ It may be a little noncommittal, but his tone is clearly grateful nonetheless. He has no doubt that Lux's offer is genuine.
There's a soft exhale before Akira sips at his tea again. ] I appreciate it.
[ If their roles were reversed, Lux would likely feel the same way. It's difficult to let someone else take care of things, to be vulnerable enough to be looked after. She understands, which is why she pulls herself to her feet, moving back toward the desk where she left her teacup. ]
I imagine you want some time to yourself. Did you want me to leave? [ A beat. ] I can come get you for dinner.
[ Although, considering how enthusiastically he was eating at the tea cookies, he should probably have a proper meal before then. ]
[ Does he want her to leave? Not really. More and more lately, even brief stretches of isolation leave him agitated and sad where they used to be a comfort. But Akira can't expect people to stay at his side at all times, so he merely gives her a smile. ]
I'll try to sleep more once I'm done with my tea. You can wake me for dinner if I'm not up by then.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Still nothing. I think they're done growing for now. [ Or at least drastically slowed. ]
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Sorry. I'm sure you don't want me in your hair.
[ ...That wasn't supposed to be a joke. ]
Literally and figuratively.
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It actually felt sort of nice. [ It's easier to admit that than any of the truly unpleasant things that have come along with the changes.
He brings a hand up to rub at an itchy spot, the other hand going for another cookie. ]
I can see why some animals like having their ears scratched...
[ Even Morgana liked it from select people, although he always pretended not to. Akira wishes he were here, even knowing that he'd surely have some peanut gallery comments about these changes. ]
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I guess it's good to know I still have the touch, even after so long.
[ Ah, that makes her a little homesick. Even if it's been years since they kept dogs at the estate, the memory is still bittersweet. Not to mention that Starfire must miss her terribly. ]
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Her response, though, leaves him curious. It sounds like she has some sort of past experience with animals. ]
Did you have pets before?
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My father used to keep hunting dogs before he moved to the capital. I have a horse as well, but he prefers apples over affection.
[ Her eyes flick up towards him, as she tilts her head inquisitively. ]
What about you?
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When the question is turned back on him, Akira pauses, a smile hinting onto his face. ]
I have a cat, but he prefers sushi over affection.
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Looking up at him fully, a quizzical expression on her face, she hums curiously. ]
Sushi?
[ She's not sure what that is. ]
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Ah, it's usually... rice and raw seafood, put together so you can pick it up and eat it in one go. [ There's a motion of his hand—maybe he's trying to indicate the shape or size? ]
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Why would you eat it raw? Do you cure it first?
[ So... like a fish jerky? That makes absolutely no sense to her. Sorry, Akira. ]
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[ She's posing some surprisingly difficult questions. Akira realizes that sushi is one of those things that he's sort of just accepted it to be the way it is without ever questioning the how or the why. ]
I think the vinegar in the rice cures it a bit. [ Maybe? ]
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It's too bad I can't try it myself. It sounds interesting. I'm not sure we have anything like it where I'm from.
[ She still isn't too sure about it, but that doesn't mean she's opposed to the idea. ]
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I wish I could make it. It's like an art back home, though. [ And while his cooking abilities are better than those of an average 17-year-old male back home, he doesn't have any skill in that department.
Speaking of cooking, he picks up another cookie, turning it over curiously in his hand. ]
Did you make these?
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Oh, no, I don't cook. We always had someone else take care of that for us.
[ There's no use hiding her upbringing at this point. Besides, Akira doesn't seem the type who would treat her any differently, and it would be easier to explain this way. ]
There's a bakery not too far from here that makes them.
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Ah. Thanks for sharing, then. [ Akira pops another into his mouth. He's clearly enjoying them, though it helps that he's hungry. ]
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I wasn't going to eat them all myself. [ She probably could, but details. ] It's nice to be able to share something like this with someone else. I don't get the opportunity to very often.
[ Lux could mention that the trip to the bakery was related to her concern for him, but that feels a bit unnecessary. ]
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Food is best when you share it with other people.
[ They live together now. There's no reason for any of them to have to eat every meal alone, nor does Akira want to. Lux's presence beside him is especially comforting in the same way Akechi's was last night, a buffer against the overwhelming thought of loneliness.
Thinking back to last night brings back memories of other overwhelming feelings as well. Ones he should probably tell Lux about, seeing as they, again, live together now. ]
... When I was changing, I started to feel... angry, like I was about to lose control and lash out. [ Akira looks down into the teacup, each slight movement sending a tremor rippling through the liquid. ] I think it was related to the full moon, but you should know just in case. That I might be a danger.
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Her smile falters as Akira explains himself, and for a moment she's at a loss for how to respond. The potential for him to lash out never occurred to her. It's clear that he's troubled about the next full moon might bring, and that he is concerned for her safety. But instead of feeding that fear, Lux holds her hand out in front of her, flexing her fingers with a quietly peaceable look on her face. ]
You know, there was a time when I was scared of my power. What it would do to me, what it could do to the people around me. And the more I feared it, the harder it was to control it. What if I something happened again in the heat of the moment? Would I end up hurting someone? I truly believed that I was dangerous.
[ That night when the sabrewulves attacked, she had only meant to chase them away. But when everything was over, the pack was decimated. Something like that stays with a person—even if they have no recollection what exactly happened.
But there is a point to all of this, and as Lux lowers her hand, placing it in her lap, her countenance shifts into something warm and sympathetic. ]
"A shadow thrives beside the light." When I was afraid that I would control, or that I would be a danger to others, I would repeat those words in my head, to calm myself down. It kept me grounded, until I felt like I had control again.
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Her words give shape to something he might not have been able to on his own. That fear of slipping into a state where he might do something terrible and irreversible. The same feeling that set in in the interrogation room, when they forced the needle into his skin while he struggled, the edge of panic there when the drugs began to cloud his mind and obscure the objective he needed to achieve at all costs. It wasn't something he wanted to ever relive, toeing that cliff to that deep abyss, but here he is.
But Lux's voice washes something warmer over him. It may not remove all of that uncertainty, but it gives Akira something to consider. ] "A shadow thrives beside the light"...
[ He knows that feeling is unlikely to disappear—if anything, it's only going to get worse. But Lux may be right that trying to push it away will only make it more volatile. ]
... Thanks, Lux. I'll try that next time. [ It's something he can do on his own at least, rather than trying to rely on someone else's presence to keep him lucid. ]
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That fear will never go away, but instead of letting it paralyze her, Lux uses it to push her forward. Knowing that she needs to be an unwavering source of light for others keeps her focused.
She gives Akira all the space he needs to work things out in his head, looking away as she takes a cookie for herself. Her words may not completely assuage his fears, but Lux has experienced how important having a grounding presence nearby can quiet the whispers of doubt. ]
Sometimes having something as simple as that can help. [ She glances up at him briefly, a hint of a smile spreading across her lips before she looks out once more. ] But you don't have to face this alone. No matter what happens, I'll be here however you need me. Even if it's just to take another trip out to the bakery.
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But they're not here, a fact that he's felt acutely the past couple of days. ]
I'll keep that in mind. [ It may be a little noncommittal, but his tone is clearly grateful nonetheless. He has no doubt that Lux's offer is genuine.
There's a soft exhale before Akira sips at his tea again. ] I appreciate it.
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I imagine you want some time to yourself. Did you want me to leave? [ A beat. ] I can come get you for dinner.
[ Although, considering how enthusiastically he was eating at the tea cookies, he should probably have a proper meal before then. ]
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I'll try to sleep more once I'm done with my tea. You can wake me for dinner if I'm not up by then.