[ He's not really sure what type of reaction to expect. Concern, maybe, or questions, but certainly not the placid look Lux adopts. Akira's eyes follow to her hand as well.
Her words give shape to something he might not have been able to on his own. That fear of slipping into a state where he might do something terrible and irreversible. The same feeling that set in in the interrogation room, when they forced the needle into his skin while he struggled, the edge of panic there when the drugs began to cloud his mind and obscure the objective he needed to achieve at all costs. It wasn't something he wanted to ever relive, toeing that cliff to that deep abyss, but here he is.
But Lux's voice washes something warmer over him. It may not remove all of that uncertainty, but it gives Akira something to consider. ] "A shadow thrives beside the light"...
[ He knows that feeling is unlikely to disappear—if anything, it's only going to get worse. But Lux may be right that trying to push it away will only make it more volatile. ]
... Thanks, Lux. I'll try that next time. [ It's something he can do on his own at least, rather than trying to rely on someone else's presence to keep him lucid. ]
[ What she wouldn't give to tell him that that feeling would disappear someday. While Lux may no longer be afraid of the light that rushed through her, it's because of all of the work that goes on in the background. Keeping her moods measured and even, practicing and pushing herself close to her breaking point; and keeping the people around her at arm's length so they would never be able to see the struggle. Getting too close could throw that delicate dance off beat, and take her carefully constructed world down along with it.
That fear will never go away, but instead of letting it paralyze her, Lux uses it to push her forward. Knowing that she needs to be an unwavering source of light for others keeps her focused.
She gives Akira all the space he needs to work things out in his head, looking away as she takes a cookie for herself. Her words may not completely assuage his fears, but Lux has experienced how important having a grounding presence nearby can quiet the whispers of doubt. ]
Sometimes having something as simple as that can help. [ She glances up at him briefly, a hint of a smile spreading across her lips before she looks out once more. ] But you don't have to face this alone. No matter what happens, I'll be here however you need me. Even if it's just to take another trip out to the bakery.
[ He doesn't have to, but there's still a part of Akira that protests the spotlight of concern being placed so firmly on him. It's always been that his own struggles take a backseat to those of the people he cares about. Their smiles are a balm that can get him through any hurt, and keeping a strong front to support them in turn makes it easy to get through his difficulties.
But they're not here, a fact that he's felt acutely the past couple of days. ]
I'll keep that in mind. [ It may be a little noncommittal, but his tone is clearly grateful nonetheless. He has no doubt that Lux's offer is genuine.
There's a soft exhale before Akira sips at his tea again. ] I appreciate it.
[ If their roles were reversed, Lux would likely feel the same way. It's difficult to let someone else take care of things, to be vulnerable enough to be looked after. She understands, which is why she pulls herself to her feet, moving back toward the desk where she left her teacup. ]
I imagine you want some time to yourself. Did you want me to leave? [ A beat. ] I can come get you for dinner.
[ Although, considering how enthusiastically he was eating at the tea cookies, he should probably have a proper meal before then. ]
[ Does he want her to leave? Not really. More and more lately, even brief stretches of isolation leave him agitated and sad where they used to be a comfort. But Akira can't expect people to stay at his side at all times, so he merely gives her a smile. ]
I'll try to sleep more once I'm done with my tea. You can wake me for dinner if I'm not up by then.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Her words give shape to something he might not have been able to on his own. That fear of slipping into a state where he might do something terrible and irreversible. The same feeling that set in in the interrogation room, when they forced the needle into his skin while he struggled, the edge of panic there when the drugs began to cloud his mind and obscure the objective he needed to achieve at all costs. It wasn't something he wanted to ever relive, toeing that cliff to that deep abyss, but here he is.
But Lux's voice washes something warmer over him. It may not remove all of that uncertainty, but it gives Akira something to consider. ] "A shadow thrives beside the light"...
[ He knows that feeling is unlikely to disappear—if anything, it's only going to get worse. But Lux may be right that trying to push it away will only make it more volatile. ]
... Thanks, Lux. I'll try that next time. [ It's something he can do on his own at least, rather than trying to rely on someone else's presence to keep him lucid. ]
no subject
That fear will never go away, but instead of letting it paralyze her, Lux uses it to push her forward. Knowing that she needs to be an unwavering source of light for others keeps her focused.
She gives Akira all the space he needs to work things out in his head, looking away as she takes a cookie for herself. Her words may not completely assuage his fears, but Lux has experienced how important having a grounding presence nearby can quiet the whispers of doubt. ]
Sometimes having something as simple as that can help. [ She glances up at him briefly, a hint of a smile spreading across her lips before she looks out once more. ] But you don't have to face this alone. No matter what happens, I'll be here however you need me. Even if it's just to take another trip out to the bakery.
no subject
But they're not here, a fact that he's felt acutely the past couple of days. ]
I'll keep that in mind. [ It may be a little noncommittal, but his tone is clearly grateful nonetheless. He has no doubt that Lux's offer is genuine.
There's a soft exhale before Akira sips at his tea again. ] I appreciate it.
no subject
I imagine you want some time to yourself. Did you want me to leave? [ A beat. ] I can come get you for dinner.
[ Although, considering how enthusiastically he was eating at the tea cookies, he should probably have a proper meal before then. ]
no subject
I'll try to sleep more once I'm done with my tea. You can wake me for dinner if I'm not up by then.